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Lifestyle

I Taste-Tested and Ranked Smirnoff Flavors Because We All Drink Cheap Liquor

This article is written by a student writer from the Spoon University at Denison chapter.

Every week, my friends and I argue about which vodka flavor to get for this week’s black out-induced fun. We can never agree, so I decided to taste-test and rank 10 Smirnoff Vodka flavors.

I chose some flavors that are very common and some that I’d never heard of before. I took a shot of each (over a three day period, not trying to hit the library wasted on a Monday), recorded my preferences, and got very drunk in the process.

#SpoonTip: Spoon University does not support binge drinking or underage drinking. Please drink responsibly!

10. Raspberry Smirnoff

smirnoff  sweet juice
Alex Frank

If you’re the stereotypical #betch, you’ve definitely had a bad night full of spins, bad decisions, and way too much vomit from a raspberry Smirnoff-induced blackout. Can anyone even stomach the smell of raspberry anymore? Unsure as to why they still make it. 

9. Plain Smirnoff

smirnoff  beer alcohol
Alex Frank

Like if the option was plain Smirnoff or staying in, obviously you wouldn’t stay in, but you’d probably vomit it all up within the hour. 

8. Pineapple Smirnoff

smirnoff  alcohol beer
Alex Frank

This flavor reminded me immediately of a piña colada. The idea is there, but it just leaves you dying to be anywhere tropical but gives you a sad reminder that you’re drinking Smirnoff. 

7. Iced Cake Smirnoff

smirnoff  ice beer
Alex Frank

I’m sure most people are incredibly surprised to find the flavor “iced cake” in vodka. This flavor tastes like it should only be used as a gag gift and made for rare consumption on a friend’s 21st.  

6. Strawberry Smirnoff

smirnoff  sweet strawberry
Alex Frank

This flavor is good. I didn’t dislike it, but it’s a very forgettable flavor. I probably wouldn’t purchase it again but I wouldn’t be unhappy drinking it. 

5. Sourced Grapefruit: Made With Real Fruit Smirnoff

smirnoff  beer hot sauce
Alex Frank

This flavor is actually very good. Probably because it’s mixed with real fruit juice, but still, very good. The only downside is that the mix of real fruit means you have to consume more calories and take more shots to get drunk. Ugh.

4. Orange Smirnoff

smirnoff  juice sweet
Alex Frank

Orange Smirnoff chased with Sprite is a great combo. For some reason, orange tastes better than many other fruit-inspired flavors. It went down easier and left close to no burning sensation. That’s a win in my book.

3. Pomegranate Smirnoff

smirnoff  pepper juice
Alex Frank

Kylie Jenner created the pomegranate seed craze so I think I might be a little biased about this flavor, but I love it. Although, who doesn’t love all of the things featured in Kyle Jenner’s snap stories

2. Lime Smirnoff

smirnoff  juice alcohol
Alex Frank

If you can’t get your hands on tequila, lime, and salt (or if that makes you gag), your next best choice is lime and Sprite—the best combo that exists. You don’t even know you’re downing liquid courage. 

1. Red, White & Berry Smirnoff

smirnoff  beer
Alex Frank

This flavor is SO basic, but it’s amazing. If you haven’t tried it, you NEED TO. It tastes exactly like the red, white and blue popsicles that you’d get as a kid at the pool. I’m not saying I’d voluntarily take shots of anything without a chaser, but there’s almost no need for anything besides ice with this flavor. Unreal. 

If you’re one of those people that “only drinks Svedka,” I don’t believe you, and I know you’ve tried these flavors before.

If you haven’t tasted these, and you’re currently in college or have recently graduated, I’m fully impressed that you were able to avoid them. Maybe one day I’ll upgrade to a more quality vodka brand, but for now, I’ll stick to my lime and Sprite.