I know the normal thing to do is just sip on a Four Loko, but that’s no fun. So I shotgunned a 23 oz. can of watermelon-flavored Four Loko and honestly, I’d do it again every weekend. You may ask, why on Earth would you want to do that? Call it impulse, but it just sounded like a good idea, alright?
And I was truly right. It got me to that perfect stage in-between buzzed and sh*tfaced in less than ten minutes. No need to take shots to the face for an hour trying to figure out when to stop. We all know we usually overshoot our limit by a lot and end up having a dark, dark night (which usually ends with you making out with a porcelain throne).
However, if you’re too lame to give this a try, I’ll break down how my experience played out.
WTF Did I Shotgun?
Four Lokos come in 10 different sketch flavors. If watermelon doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, feel free to try sour apple (ew) or check out thisdefinitive ranking of Loko flavors. If you’re anything like me, you’re probably spending upwards of $40 on alcohol for a weekend. These Lokos cost only around $3, so they may help you save money in the long run.
One can of Four Loko is equivalent to four beers and five cups of coffee. Didn’t think it was possible to shotgun more than one beer at a time? Four Loko is the answer to your prayers.
My Experience
I cracked the fresh can open with a key and was unsure how many memories I would have of the rest of the night. Taking a Natty Light down in under 10 seconds is more than manageable. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same about Four Loko. Besides Four Loko being double the amount of liquid, it’s also sugary and nasty tasting. It took me a good minute or two to get that crap down.
It was painful and I honestly shed a tear in the chugging process. But after you get through the hard part, you’re in for a night of fun, and those few minutes of agony will be well worth it.
That Night
Not even 15 minutes after I shotgunned, I got all my classic symptoms of drunkenness—laughing, dancing, but dizzy af. All in all, I remember the whole night, never felt sick, and my buzz lasted me beautifully for a few hours. You know that feeling when you realize you’ve reached the perfect level of drunk? That’s what I’m talking about…euphoric.
Now, I know it sounds absurd. But as long as you eat a good dinner and don’t drink anything else the rest of the night, these Lokos will surely get you to where you need to be.
Disclaimer: Spoon University does not encourage binge-drinking. Drink responsibly!