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Reviews

Al’s Burgers as Guys You’ve Dated

This article is written by a student writer from the Spoon University at Chapel Hill chapter.

A signature spot on Franklin, Al’s Burger’s boasts a variety of outlandish burger combinations. Each of these burgers adopts a distinct personality which we all know too well. Read more to see which variety is just your type!

The Classic

The Classic at Al’s Burger’s Shack is the tall dark and handsome guy that you can’t wait to introduce to your grandmother. This guy makes everything look easy just like the Classic Burger never gets old stacking up with the classic cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles, and that signature Al’s sauce that just never gets old. You can always count on him to treat you to a romantic homecooked meal, take a stroll down Franklin Street with you, and open every door for you without hesitation.

The Paco

Put simply, Paco is a hottie. Packing flavor and heat with guacamole, tomato, spicy jalapeno peppers, and savory habanero jack cheese, this Al’s burger is a quite the treat. Paco brings out your adventurous side and his edginess is contagious. He picks you up for your date to the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert on his Harley-Davidson with flame decals on either side of the tires and offers you his spare helmet for the ride. You know he may be dangerous, but the adventure that his presence brings out on you is irresistible.

The Bobo Chili Cheeseburger

Let’s face it, we all have had a Bobo Chili. After eating this burger your hands will be slathered in chili sauce and mustard, so keep your napkin easily accessible. Just like the burger, this guy is an absolute mess. This boy needs your help– he’s 22, still doesn’t know how to do his own laundry or even turn on an iron, and his idea of cooking is reheating leftovers or making ramen. He’s a mess but we love him anyway.

The Kaarin

The description of the Kaarin reads like a listing of all the buzzword ingredients that help you to justify a burger as being healthy. Boasting a black bean- sweet potato-oats veggie patty topped with guacamole, lettuce, tomato, and red onion (Yum), Kaarin is the hipster of your dating history. He is a History/Philosophy/English major who wears square framed ray-ban glasses, and wouldn’t be caught wearing anything other than a vintage Grateful Dead t-shirt (not even one he bought at Urban Outfitters, the hipster settles for nothing less than thrifted vintage clothing). He only shops at Whole Foods for his groceries anyway and is knowledgeable about all the latest health remedies, even Apple Cider Vinegar. Nonetheless, he brings out your intellectual side… you can talk to him about everything from philosophy to physics and don’t have to worry about him being able to keep up with you.

The Kenny J

Kenny J is the epitome of your small-town southern boy. He knows everyone and their mother from his hometown and brags about his mom’s southern cooking. He always says please and thank you, and is guilty of turning in academic papers that include the phrases “y’all” and “yonder” in his speech. Topped with crispy bacon, spicy pimento cheese, and Cheerwine BBQ sauce, this burger is the definition of comfort food. Just like this burger, this boy has a southern charm that you just can’t quite seem to forget.

The Mookie

This guy is a total enigma. He keeps a low profile, yet everyone seems to know who he is and be curious about what he’s doing. With unique garnishes like bacon-onion jam and garlic aioli, this burger is just the variety that you need in your life. He gazes at you with his deep blue eyes and a smoldered look and wreaks of mystery.

No matter which of these burgers you decide to order next time you head over to Al’s Burger Shack, or which man you end up with, each delectable variety will satisfy your cravings.

Check out these articles for more on everyone’s Franklin Street favs:  

A First-Years Guide to Franklin Street Food

Which Franklin Street Ice Cream Shop Are You?

A Definitive Ranking of Pizza Places on Franklin Street