‘Twas the night before election day… and I know I’m not the only one that wants to rip their own hair out when it comes to keeping up with it. I think it is important to remember that in some countries women do not have the option to vote whereas in the United States it is our right to do so. We owe it to those women, our candidates (no matter how crazy they are), and obviously ourselves to vote.
On a lighter note, to make watching election day a little more enjoyable, we’re going to eat and drink our way through it. Here’s an elaborate meal plan to help you survive election day, based on what our candidates like to eat when they’re not on the campaign trail.
Breakfast: Eggs
Breakfast is the most important meal y’all. Hillary Clinton claims that she’s “a lousy cook but [she] make[s] pretty good soft scrambled eggs.” Scrambled eggs are pretty hard to mess up. So let’s have some eggs! Whatever you do, do not have a pumpkin spice latte with your breakfast tomorrow. Hillary Clinton is not a fan of pumpkin spice lattes, so try to fight the urge for one day, you basic bitch.
Lunch: Taco Bowls
Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics! https://t.co/ufoTeQd8yA pic.twitter.com/k01Mc6CuDI
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 5, 2016
I mean, it’s no coincidence that election day is always on Taco Tuesday. They definitely planned that. We all know that Donald Trump LOVES Hispanics, and we all know that the best taco bowls are made in the Trump Tower kitchens, not in Mexico. Duh.
Snack #1: Jalepeño Margaritas
Hillary Clinton swears by jalepeño peppers. She says that they keep her moving on the campaign trail and that they’re super refreshing despite how spicy they are. Jalepeño peppers, jalepeño margaritas, how different are they really? Okay, they’re pretty different but we’re all gonna need a drink today.
Snack #2: Popcorn
Donald Trump is a celebrity. Celebrities love to put on a show. What’s the perfect snack to eat while being entertained? Popcorn, obvi. If you wanna get fancy with your popcorn, check out some of these recipes. If you wanna keep it simple, stick with a classic Orville Redenbacher microwavable flavor.
Snack #3: Something Chocolatey
Brownies, cake, fancy Godiva chocolates, or just a Kit Kat, whatever floats your boat. SCOTUS loves chocolate. I can count the amount of people I know on one hand that don’t like chocolate. Even vegans can have chocolate.
Dinner: Butter-Basted Rib Eye Steak
This is one of Donald Trump’s favorite foods. I don’t like his policies, but I can’t deny that he’s got great taste (haha get it? #punny) and who doesn’t love a good steak? Alright, that was a dumb question because vegetarians and vegans obviously don’t love steak but honestly they are missing out. Steak is a yummy, hearty dinner that’ll fill you up if you’re not already full from the previously listed foods.
Dessert: Decorated Cookies
I have virtually no artistic ability, so I’m not going to bother telling you how to decorate these. I’ll give you a really yummy vegan sugar cookie recipe though, and you can take it from there. Georgeanne Bell of LilaLoa Cookies decorated the awesome samples shown above!
Whoever you vote for, don’t do it on an empty tummy.