Big thanks to MTV for blessing us with the return of Jersey Shore. Now airing as Jersey Shore: Family Vacation, we get to see our favorite guidos and meatballs all grown up. But, really, have any of them changed besides some plastic surgery? Maybe with the exception of the "The Situation," the cast sticks true to their roots. The house is full of distinct personalities, but, at the end of the day, they are all family. It's kind of just like pizza. No matter what you top your pizza with, it's still good ole pizza. We know the cast loves their pizza (cue Snooki pizza meme), so here's Jersey Shore cast as pizza according to their personality.
SNOOKI: Meatball Pizza
Snooki is the life of the party, but a hot mess. She's the original meatball. So by just her nature, she, of course, is a pizza topped with little meatballs just like herself. And everyone loves meatball pizza. It's a delicious, fun twist on a classic, but it is inevitably messy because meatballs weren't meant to stay on a pizza slice.
PAULY D: Pepperoni
By far the happiest of characters on the show, Pauly D is the happy-go-lucky guy that is at every party, throwing down every night. He's a crowd pleaser: a fan favorite. That's why he's pepperoni. He goes beyond just the regular guido. He is the slice that everyone wants to hang out with. Pepperoni topping is just like Pauly's hair; once it's baked and blow-dried, that pepperoni is stuck to the cheese like Pauly's hair is stuck to his head.
VINNY: Extra Cheesy Pizza
Extra cheesy pizza doesn't really sound like it fits under the Keto Guido diet that Vinny follows, but according to drunk Vinny, the cheese and pepperoni are just what he needs. No bread though. Vinny can be very extra like extra cheesy pizza. He may look like just a normal guy, but he's an undercover guido, who can really start some drama whether it be with Snooki or a bottle waitress at the club. However, everyone loves extra cheese, just like everyone loves Vin, even if the extra isn't necessary.
DEENA: Stuffed Crust Pizza
Not part of the original cast, Deena quickly became part of the family. Just like the meatball she is, Deena is always down for a good time and her full make-up face is always ready to go. Stuffed crust pizza always is done up big, but be wary because sometimes that's hard to carry around. Just like it's hard for Vinny to carry Deena around after she repeatedly falls off a table.
RONNIE: Hawaiian Pizza
Oh yes, Ronnie is probably the most controversial character on the show. Almost as controversial as pineapple on pizza. He's always stirring up the house just like how Hawaiian Pizza divided the internet. Sometimes you just aren't in the mood for all that Hawaiian pizza has to offer, but if you are, just like Ronnie, it can be a wonderfully fun time. But even so, you can only handle it in small doses. Ron and Sam are kind of like pineapple and ham on pizza; it works for some people, but man, do some people hate it. Rahn, staph.
JWOW: Spicy Pizza
JWOW has a spicy kick to her. Spicy pizza won't take any of your nonsense and neither will JWOW. She is unapologetically who she is. This chick is not afraid to fight. JWOW doesn't mess around when it comes to confrontation. But she'll be honest and real with you, and everyone needs that heat in their life.
OLD MIKE: Pizza Topped With Pizza
Sure, The "old" Situation was entertaining, but he was out of control sometimes. Just a little bit too much. Pizza topped with pizza sounds delicious and like the perfect bite, but there is such thing as just too much. It's a liable with all that pizza. One bad bite and that pizza on top will drag off all the cheese. Why does pizza need more pizza on it? Is there something wrong with the original slice?
NEW MIKE: White Pizza
It's refreshing to see The "new" Situation. He's positive and upbeat, full of wisdom and a little less money, maybe? Just like white pizza, Mike might not always your first pick, but white pizza can really brighten your meal and make you feel a little bit older and more mature. White pizza is an underrated choice. Plus white pizza won't stain your clothes like red pizza sauce will. New Mike is here to help the house through the good and the bad.
SAM: An Empty Plate
Image from WikiCommons
Sammi apparently is in a "good place" and opted out of coming back for the Family Vacation. She is choosing to avoid "toxic" situations. Aside from the Sammi doll repeating famous catchlines, all that is left of Sammi are the memories. She's a ghost pizza, just an empty plate. Leaving you to wonder what could have been... Ron and Sam back together?
ANGELINA: A Soggy Piece of Pizza That Fell on the Ground
Angelina is that $1 slice of pizza that at first glance seems like it's worth the deal until you start thinking... how can good pizza be only a dollar? But Angelina is much worse than just a $1 slice of pizza. She's the $1 soggy piece of pizza that you accidentally dropped, and after it happened, you are actually grateful fate saved you from wasting calories.