An inevitable part of the transition into spring is spring cleaning. For some that means literal cleaning, for me it means deleting old friends on Facebook, but for others it means the season of breakups.
No matter how mutual they may be, breakups always suck. Some breakups are obviously harder than others, but there is no breakup a little bit of alcohol can’t help. If you are one of the unfortunate few dealing with heartbreak this season, here are some alcoholic options (based on your reason for breaking up) to help you get over your newly acquired ex.
#SpoonTip: You can handle a breakup sober, but if you want alcohol these tips are for you.
It was a mutual breakup: Beer
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You guys may have decided ending your relationship was for the best, but it’s still hard to say goodbye to an important person in your life. For these breakups, just head to the store and grab a six pack of your favorite beer. Lower alcohol percentages means you won’t get too drunk — and it turns out knocking back a few cold ones might actually be good for you.
You got dumped out of the blue: Margaritas
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Everything was going along fine, but then they said, “We need to talk.” You’re not happy — in fact, you are furious. You need a drink that will match the saltiness you feel in your heart. That’s where the margarita comes in. It doesn’t matter what flavor, as long as you remember the salted rim. If you’re still red-hot with anger, try making this honey jalapeño margarita.
Long distance breakup: Irish Coffee
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They always warn us against long distance, but do we listen? No. This breakup is going to be a doozy, and with your boo on the other side of the globe you’re probably up way past your bedtime having this conversation. Now is the time for an Irish coffee. Keep yourself awake (and just a little tipsy) so you don’t freak out when they blame you for the lack of communication.
No long term potential: Old Fashioned
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At first, life was great. They made you laugh, they remembered your Chipotle order, and they never judged you when you dropped food on yourself. Then came a turning point. It might have started slowly, but you began to realize your partner was not who you wanted in the long run. You needed maturity, not just laughter. Break out the liquor cabinet and make yourself an old fashioned. This drink is filled to the brim with the maturity you so desperately need.
You missed being single: Shot of Whiskey
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Relationships are great and all, but sometimes it feels better when you’re not tied down. Sure you’ll miss unlimited cuddles, but now you can enjoy getting hit on at bars without feeling guilty. Time to throw back whiskey shots faster than you threw away your relationship. Now go and get them digits. Whiskey not really your thing? Try these deep fried tequila shots instead.
They cheated… You found out: Wine
Photo by Joshua Alan Davis
Finding out someone you loved cheated on you is one of the worst experiences out there. Luckily for you, there is this little thing called wine ready to help you work through your feelings. Put on some Adele, grab a bottle of wine and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, and we promise you will be feeling better in no time.
You cheated… They found out: Water
Photo by Caroline Liu
Now I’m sure it was an accident, and you were definitely thinking about them the whole time, but if you were committed to someone and broke their trust by cheating… Honey, you don’t need alcohol. Your thirsty little butt needs water, and a lot of it.