College is hard enough, but relationships and breakups make this transitive time in our lives all the more difficult. Although there are a lot of better ways to cope with a breakup that don’t involve food, there are days where the only thing that can comfort you is ice cream. And I’ve got you covered. Here’s what Ben & Jerry’s flavor you should eat, based on how your last breakup went.
1. You Got The “It’s Not You, It’s Me” Line
Ugh. There’s nothing I hate more than this excuse. It’s lame, uncreative, and, frankly, cliché. If someone hits you with this line, then there’s something fishy about them, because no person without major baggage or issues uses this line to break up with someone. Forget about them by eating some Phish Food. After all, there are so many other fish in the sea.
2. They Ghosted You
In the age of smartphones and social media, it’s so easy to connect with someone virtually, but never go anywhere. If your Tinder match never replied to your message or if your Snapchat crush viewed your story, but didn’t hit you up, try Ben & Jerry’s new Pint Slices. Thick slabs of classic flavors like Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, dipped in chocolate—the perfectly-portioned treat will be there for you, unlike your ghost.
3. They Cheated on You
Cheating is never acceptable, so my heart goes out to you. That’s why I’m suggesting Chocolate Therapy as your acquaintance during this time. Dark, rich chocolate is one of the most therapeutic things on this planet. Ben & Jerry’s gets that and is here for you.
4. You Thought You Deserved Better
Although breakups suck no matter what, ending things because you did not want to settle deserves credit where credit is due. Too many people nowadays are in relationships because they like the attention or company, but not you. You are not going to let anyone hold you down, and you deserve some Empower Mint for your efforts. (Thanks B&J for the pun.)
5. Long Distance Just Wasn’t Working
As poetic geniuses Nat and Alex Wolff once said, “Long distance relationships can kill you.” That’s the truth. Long distance is tough, and it’s even tougher when it ends. You’ll need to pull out the big guns as reinforcements, aka a pint of Half Baked ice cream. Filled with a double-whammy of cookie dough and brownie bites, this flavor is bound to help you during the toughest nights.
6. It Was Amicable and Friendly
Maybe it was time to say goodbye to your significant other or maybe you both were not feeling it anymore, but regardless, a breakup that ends on good terms deserves a fresher pint. Start clean, without any hard feelings, with some Strawberry Cheesecake to brighten your day and keep spirits high.
7. They Hit You With an Ultimatum
A solid relationship requires work from both sides, meaning making compromises. Ultimatums break this rule, because that means the other person is not willing to give. Finding yourself in that situation, in which you had to navigate trying to be flexible while simultaneously standing up for yourself, is a kerfuffle. You need some Truffle Kerfuffle, because the only complex relationship in your life should be that of salty and sweet foods interacting with your tastebuds.
8. It Was Just Bad Timing
One of the most frustrating breakups—there’s nobody or nothing else to blame except for time, which can be your worst enemy. It sucks because you had everything but the clock on your side. Ben & Jerry’s Everything But The… has everything that you could possibly want in ice cream (several types of chocolate, nuts, and toffee) to compensate for what lacked in your most recent relationship.
9. You Were Totally Blindsided
One moment, everything is going so swimmingly, and the next thing you know, your S.O. drops a bombshell and ends it. A surprising end to a relationship warrants some ice cream that has a good surprise. The Tonight Dough is one of Ben & Jerry’s best flavors, because it combines chocolate and peanut butter with potato chips. Sure, the crunchy, savory bits might throw you off guard, but with Ben & Jerry’s, you won’t be jarred completely.
10. It Hasn’t Officially Happened Yet, but You Got The “We Need to Talk” Text
Receiving this text is such a gut-wrenching feeling because of the anticipation and anxiety it creates. Immediately, your mind goes to all the worst case scenarios, and though 99.9 percent of the time the situation never ends up as badly as you anticipated, if the demise of your relationship fell in the 0.1 percent, you need something to ease the nerves. Try out the boozy Urban Bourbon flavor to take the edge off.
People come and go, but not Ben & Jerry’s. These two guys never disappoint and are there for you in any and every situation. Nab a pint the next time you’re at the grocery store thinking about your ex… or just because you’re craving ice cream. There’s really no excuse not to eat ice cream, after all.