Hello everyone. My name is Mara Soverinsky, and I am a Sugarholic.
Let me take you guys back to the root of my struggles. It all started when I was a little girl and a tad bit overweight. I was the girl who devoured her entire pillow full of Halloween candy the night received and who obsessed over cakes, sweet treats, juices, and sodas.
Now I'm 20 years old, slimmer, and my blood sugar levels are finally in check (thanks mom and dad). But I still have that young girl inside of me demanding her sugar fix, especially after a day full of eating clean and healthy.
My insane sugar cravings have driven me do some wild things in the past and even in the present. These crazy actions have gotten me into a bit of trouble over the past couple of years.
Here are my confessions of a "sugarholic." I'm sorry to those hurt and those affected.
Confession 1: I am a cake thief.
I first want to apologize for that time when I was 15 years old and my sisters and I stole a cake sitting outside of another guest's cabin on our cruise. However, I am not apologizing to the people who left a perfectly fine half of a cake outside of their door. No, actually I want to thank those silly food disposers for disregarding an amazing treat and allowing me to enjoy it instead of them.
I would like to sincerely apologize to the room service staff for having to clean up our destructive mess. After we took the cake, we left an obvious chocolate trail in the hall and in our own room. Although we tried our best to sneakily steal this cake, we three girls are just a few messy cake thieves.
Confession 2: I am a candy thief.
I want to apologize if you have been personally affected by me stealing your candy. If you leave candy in places I know where to find it (like hidden in your bedroom), I probably have already found your stash and taken it. I can't change who I am, and you have to understand that your candy is in such an obvious spot, even if its under your bed, in your closet, or in your pillow case! That's way too easy for me to get my hands on. Try harder next time.
Confession 3: I destroyed all the pastries.
I eat the frosting off the brownies, cake, and cupcakes. That's why the pretty dessert looks pretty destroyed. I am sorry. I can't help myself; I just love the sugary-sweet taste. At this point, the cake itself is too much for me, so that's left over for whoever wants it. I see that I ruined your cookie cake, and yes, I know it was your birthday. I get it. I'm sorry. I AM A MONSTER. (This may or may not be a true story.)
Confession 4: Those almonds once had chocolate on them.
For the love of god, those ARE NOT PLAIN ALMONDS IN THE BOWL. I sucked all the chocolate off the chocolate covered almonds, and you are now eating those almonds. This is so awkward, because like Quinn from Zoey 101, I need to tell my friend she's eating my back wash. But seriously, who wants the heartburn from the almonds when you can just suck off the chocolate?
Confession 5: I never actually shop at sketchers.
I have never bought anything from Skechers, but I frequently show up at the one in the mall by me for the sake of the large FREE gumball machine. I walk in there, pretend to look around for about four seconds, fill my purse with about 20 gumballs, and then proceed to the exit store.
Confession 6: I eat sprinkles like candy.
Sprinkles can be eaten by the spoonful. You do not need to put sprinkles on anything; they are delicious alone in a bowl, especially the chocolate ones. You can find me dumping the bowls of sprinkles in the caf down my throat, licking them off my palm, and maybe on a good day putting them on ice cream where normal individuals claim they belong.
Confession 7: Jelly is definitely my condiment choice.
I dip broccoli, carrots, and cucumbers into jelly. I don't even know how to justify that. I just enjoy the sweet taste of jelly in my mouth. I personally think jelly makes my veggies taste so much better. I frequently eat the packets of jelly that sit out at restaurants, too. But at least by putting jelly on my veggies, I have found a foolproof way to sneak good-for-you foods into my diet while still satisfying my sweet tooth.
Confession 8: I am a fondue monster.
The chocolate fondue made me do it. I once assaulted my fellow camp friends on my 13-day canoe trip for the entirety of that delicious chocolate treat concocted earlier that night. After finally getting my hands on the fondue, I dumped the whole pot in my mouth, on my face, and down my body. Shortly thereafter, I began singing in a male opera tone and howling at the moon. I have a slight fondue problem to say the least.
Confession 9: I steal from the bulk bins.
At this point, local candy stores, Whole Foods, plum markets, or anywhere else with candy bulk bins all have my picture with a notice hanging on store walls stating, "Do not allow this girl in store." I have a bad reputation for taking handfuls of candy from bulk bins (without paying) and stuffing my pockets with them. I guess when I see the large bulk bins at stores, my mind gets too thrilled at the sight of large quantities of candy. This ultimately leads me to the conclusion that I can just take what should belong to me.
I want to apologize to the woman at Whole Foods who had to take throw all the sea salt caramels away after she caught me sticking my hands straight into the bin. I guess I deserved to be kicked out that day after I contaminated all of the candies.
My "sugarholic" ways have gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past, but we have also had some really good times together. I promise I will try to be better and tone it down with my addiction. However, I will definitely have some slip ups because that little girl inside of me will always whisper in my ear to eat that sugar; together we will continue to be absolute savages in pursuit of satisfying our sweet tooth.