There’s just something about raw meat sizzling on a hot grill.
Vegetarians, this is your first and final warning to stop reading. It’s just going to get more graphic for y’all from here on out.
Korean BBQ. Long heralded as the king of self-service cuisine, I only recently found myself embroiled in its freshly marinated embrace for the first time when my local food guru invited myself and a fellow KBBQ virgin along on a pilgrimage to the holiest of sites praising grilled meats this side of the Pacific — K-Town, LA.
Bulgogi. Galbi. The beautiful monstrosity that is Corn Cheese. Once seated comfortably in front of the grill, my food guru (who will now be referred to as Josh) began to recite a list of delectable eats from the tri-fold, double-sided meat Bible set out for us. Foreign to my uninitiated taste buds, my fellow newly recruited disciple and I found ourselves quite literally lost in the sauce(s) and deluge of meat. In order to ease future seekers into the sacred art of KBBQ, here are a few tips from our experience:
Tip #1: Fear not the Banchan. They’re free.
“Oh, they’re unlimited. Just let me know if you want more.” Never before had my stomach heard more glorious news. Banchan are bite-sized apps that balance perfectly with choice cuts of meat and can be refilled repeatedly to your heart's (and stomach's) content.
Tip #2: Just keep ordering.
A terrifying, yet sublime notion. Make sure that waiter doesn’t swoop your menu because you'll be smearing your grease filled fingers on those pages all night.
Tip #3: Wrap it up.
Definitely keep ordering, but try sticking some pork belly in pickled radish wraps. Trust me, the sour daikon and fatty meat complement each other perfectly.
Tip #4: Have fun with it!
It's your turn to be the chef. Grill that kimchi. Burn that bulgogi to a crisp. Or if you'd prefer, take advantage of the heavy steam for a nice meat facial?
Tip #5: Go hungry.
I don't care how you do it — starve yourself, work up some drunchies, whatever. Just make damn sure you enter those doors with a stomach emptier than my sad and barren fridge.
Tip #6: No need to dress up.
Chances are, the pungent scents and juices of BBQ will be infused into your clothes by the end of your meal. To all you lazy college students: apologies in advance for making you finally do your laundry.
What I realized about Korean BBQ is honestly, there are no rules. And whether these tips will aid in your inhaling of tear-worthy meats, juicy sauces and copious amounts of rice might be besides the point.
It's simple math:
Endless meat + flames + cheese on corn = Paradise.
Basically what I'm trying to say is just go out there and try this stuff on your own, because in this case, ignorance is definitely not bliss. To anyone who has haphazardly floated through life without the joys of Korean BBQ, you are a feeble peasant in my eyes now. And that's not what you want, right?