Call me basic, but I love a good wine drunk. Don’t get me wrong, I love a bottle of Barefoot any day (or whatever else my college budget will allow), but sometimes carrying around an open glass bottle, or spill-prone solo cup is less than ideal. I’m not sure why it took humanity YEARS to come up with the brilliant idea of wine in a can (i.e. MANCAN), but believe me when I say it is truly life-altering. Read below to find out why.
1. You Can Fit in If You Aren’t a Beer Fiend
If you’re attending a party where everyone is casually sippin’ on canned Natty Lights (take “casually sippin’ with a grain of salt here…) and you don’t wanna roll through with just a full bottle of wine, MANCAN is the perfect solution. I still expect that you’ll be drinking the equivalent of a full wine bottle throughout the night—but having it in a can makes your substance abuse a little more low-key.
2. There’s Half a Wine Bottle Per One Can
I’m no mathematical engineer but I do know that a half plus a half equals a whole, which means that you only have to down two of these bad boys to have consumed a full bottle of wine. So while all your beer-drinking friends are painfully drowning themselves in loads of beer cans, you can sneakily ball out with just a couple of cans and no one will even realize.
3. It Won’t Shatter
Nothing ruins a night out more than dropping your wine bottle, slipping in the wine that is now covering the ground, ending up with glass shards from the ground in your body, and being sent to the hospital (okay that’s a little extreme, but it’s definitely not a fun place to wake up in the morning). Start drinking wine out of a can and you’ll never have this problem again.
4. You Can Shotgun It
Gluten-free people (or as I like to call them, gluten-freeks-yes — this includes myself) who have never been able to shotgun beers, this is your time to shine. Find the nearest key or tooth that you don’t care too much about, pierce a hole in that aluminum can, and have at it. (Try not to spill: red wine doesn’t come out of white shirts easily.)
5. You Never Have to Re-Cork It
Okay, so let’s assume you have tamed your alcoholism and don’t want to go all-out with the full bottle. Let’s not be too drastic here, though—we all know you’ll be having more than just one glass. Rather than going through the pain and agony of re-corking a glass bottle after you’ve gotten your fix, you can now pop open a MANCAN, peacefully enjoy a nice half bottle, and comfortably dispose of the empty can afterward.
6. Cans Are Easier for Travel
Backpacking across the Swiss Alps? Cross-country skiing through Antartica? Hiking up Mount Everest? RV-ing in the Grand Canyon? No matter the mode of transportation, glass bottles are impractical because they’ll break, they’re heavy, they’re loud when they clash with other items in a bag, the list goes on. All great reasons to travel with MANCAN if you’re on the wine route.
7. Cans Are Easier to Recycle
“Crime In Suburbia 101: Soccer Mom Caught Throwing Out Glass Wine Bottles on Earth Day.” Real life headliner from National Geographic. How distraught would you be if this was you? Better start thriving off canned wine AND recycling afterwards to save yourself from public exploitation.
8. You Don’t Have to Decide Between Red, White, or Bubbly
Say you just are a terrible decision-maker and MUST have both red, white, and champagne but absolutely CANNOT drink three full bottles. MANCAN is your answer… crack open one of each and comfortably enjoy the best of all worlds.
So there you have it — eight reasons to start balling out on MANCAN wine. Next time I step foot into a party, I expect to see you all just drowning in canned wine. This is the future.