Oh, mediocre dining hall!

I really don’t like your food…at all.

Your choices offered never suffice

and (not to be gross) but post-eating my stomach never feels nice.

Being a college student is hard enough,

but on top of it, you make eating really tough. 

beer, pumpkin
Walker Foehl

From bugs in the salad to undercooked chicken,

nothing ever looks good, so what am I pickin’!?

Not mention your tables are always too freakin' busy,

I literally can’t hear my own thoughts in this overcrowded tizzy.

But the other options on campus, they aren’t any more tasty!

Especially if I’m trying to get anywhere— have you ever heard of being hasty?

How many times am I supposed to eat the same stupid stuff,

I swear by the time I graduate I’ll have eaten it enough.

It's amazing I haven’t actually become a moldy slice of bread,

or gotten Ebola and died in my bed.

I can not deal with this food anymore,

you expect me to go to classes, change the world, and your food is this poor??

So, to my lovely university dining hall,

it's about time you step it up and get your sh*t together next fall.

I’m tired of spending all my money elsewhere,

You won’t even let me out of my dining plan…I’m not sure how that’s fair.

Unless you can offer something that I might want to eat,

*hint* you should probably serve something that doesn’t taste like feet.

Everyone says that by your second year it’s better,

I am never going to get used to this food… which is why I’ve composed this letter

Honestly, you’ll probably never see it or take notice,

but to all my college homies out there I hope you’re like “ugh that feeling, I’ve know this!”

And if you’re reading this and still living at home,

ENJOY YOUR MOM’S FOOD before you’re starving and alone.

All in all, take each of your college meals with a grain of salt,

the next will most likely be even worse…with your dining hall at fault.