The past couple of years, recipe videos on Facebook have become huge. Some of them are simple, some complex, some look yummy, and some are, well... a bit ridiculous. I thought I had seen it all until this recipe by Shared Recipes for a Bologna Cake showed up on my newsfeed. 

First, I laughed. Then, I cried. Then, I felt disgusted. Finally, curious. For some reason, I felt compelled to make this bologna cake and try it out. Here's how it all went down.

This recipe is technically easy, but existentially hard on your soul. I started by laying down my bologna. I stared at it a long time.

cake, chocolate, egg
Kate Cook

The bird on my oh-so-fancy paper plate stared back up at me. He was judging me, I could tell. I started to spread cream cheese on the bologna. 

Kate Cook

This was the moment of truth. I could have rolled up the bologna, eaten it, and no one would have ever known what I had in mind. The bird kept staring at me; I stared at the bird. No, I thought. I finish what I start. 

I put down another piece of bologna and continued to spread cream cheese on it. I did this two more times, but then I remembered how strongly I felt about wasting food.

#SpoonTip: Globally, food waste per year totals around $990 BILLION USD. In contrast, it would take only $265 billion in additional resources globally per year to end global poverty

Kate Cook

Anyway, upon my fourth slice of bologna, I went back and counted how many were on the stack in the recipe — 17. There were 17 slices of bologna. However, I figured that four was plenty and I was not about to throw out two packages of bologna and a pack of cream cheese. So next, I started to frost it with the cream cheese. 

meat, seafood, fish
Kate Cook

I tried frosting the sides, but it was way too hard to spread. I guess because this stack is only about 25 percent of what the recipe calls for. Surely, I already had enough cream cheese, though. It was time for the cheddar cheese accents. 

Kate Cook

Watching the video, I thought that they used Easy Cheese or another canned, sprayable cheese. After spraying it on my creation, however, I realized that I was probably wrong. Oh well. I put an olive on top. 

Somehow, this looked even sadder than the video I saw. That was a true bologna cake, unapologetic for its existence. It stands 17 layers tall and its stature is magnificent. It commands attention, and it dares anyone who looks to question its impact. 

ham, bacon
Kate Cook

What I created was truly a disgrace. It was a monstrosity. But I dug my fork in — I didn't come here to waste food, I came to try the most ridiculous recipe I've ever seen. 

Kate Cook

Holding it on my fork, for a brief second, I kind of liked the aesthetic. Out of context, it almost looked like an actual cake. Almost. Maybe. I snapped back to reality when I saw my Easy Cheese covered fork and took a bite. 

Well, just as you can probably expect, it was way too much cheese and way too much bologna. But much to my surprise, I kind of liked the bologna cream cheese flavor combo? The Easy Cheese was definitely overkill. The olive rolled off the stop and I ate it. 

My Final Thoughts

Don't try this at home, kids. If you're curious like I was, satiate it by making yourself a bologna cream cheese sandwich. It tastes the same and won't make you hate yourself. I ended up dividing mine in half and doing just that. I ate one sandwich and made another for my mom. She liked it. But I would definitely not make this "cake" again.