Chick-fil-A is the queen of lip-smacking sauces, especially when they’re smothered over chicken nuggets and sandwiches. The confidence of Zesty Buffalo or the chill sweetness of Polynesian dresses any meat with flavor and depth.
However, these saucy staples aren’t just for nugget-dunking. These seven tastes have the ability to decode the typical college stereotypes. So, read on to uncover your peers through sauces.
Chick-fil-A Sauce: The “Good Girl” With A Fishnets Side
This student is the typical “good girl” with a devious night side—a combination of timeless and reckless. She’ll finish her accounting assignment by 9 pm and down a few Fireball shots at 10. No one expects this straight A church-goer to own a secret cache of fishnets and condoms in her dresser.
She is the definition of Chick-fil-A sauce. This creamy yellow classic is a twist on the usual sweet ‘n sour. The first waves are flirtatious and sugary, slowly replaced by more naughty aftertastes of sour and spice. It’s the innocent cousin of Honey Mustard and the cool aunt of a mild barbecue.
Garlic & Herb Ranch: The Innocent Girl Who Makes Everyone Else Feel Trashy
She’s a crowd pleaser and the favorite child of her parents—and the DD with a sober heart of gold while everyone else is vodka smashed. Her hair is always in cowgirl braids, and she’s likely to be caught sneaking corn muffins at midnight.
She dunks her nuggets in Garlic & Herb Ranch. It’s another classic, another traditional “tried and true” that won’t scare away the nuggets. The hints of sour and garlic sneak up on the tongue like a financial aid deadline. As a tame form of delicious ranch, it’s a saucy pleaser for mothers, grandmothers, and anyone else with a play-it-safe palette.
Barbeque: The Frat Daddy With Ray Bans And A Natty
This guy knows he’s the coolest business major sophomore on campus. He goes to every pregame with pastel shorts and pickup lines that involve tractors and bullfights. His floppy grin is *adorable* despite him always talking about fantasy football.
He rocks Barbeque sauce. With a potent kick and a molasses vibe, this sauce is on the wilder side of Chick-fil-A choices. Some people claim that barbeque sauce is dad jokes and hamburger cookouts, but it’s really ketchup after-hours. Smokey and rich, the sighs of spice coat chicken with a Western flare.
Honey Mustard: The Enthusiastic Chick Who Smiles Too Much
She’s got a grin pasted to her face at all times, even when cover is hiked to $10 a person and her boyfriend oversleeps a date. She’s labeled as “sweet” and “wouldn’t hurt a fly,” although her constant laughing can be sickly at times. Her 2018 goal is to become friends with every person at your college.
She is the ultimate Honey Mustard gal. Don’t let the phlegmy-yellow color get in the way of this glazed sauce. The honey comes off strong—no layers of spice or kick dulling the sugary taste. Another classic, this basic flavor is perfect with any nugget/tender/grilled wrap situation.
Zesty Buffalo: The Feminist With An Opinion On Everything
She is a confident, over-the-top individual who knows what she wants. Ambitious and forward-thinking, she’ll wear a pair of hot pants while planning her eventual world domination. She can sometimes intimidate people with her intense (and confrontational) personality, but they soon get used to her tangy comments.
She orders Zesty Buffalo Sauce. This sauce treads where no taste buds have been before. Spicy, bold, and littered with pepper flakes, Zesty Buffalo takes boring Buffalo to another dimension. The bright, vibrant orange is indicative of its punching flavor and aftertaste. There’s no flavor pussyfooting here; heat is the element that makes this sauce tick.
Polynesian Sauce: The Stoner With Impeccable Taste
He’s the laidback hipster of the group with a few paintbrushes and blunts sticking out of his pocket. He doesn’t rock the boat unless there’s a few craft beers sitting on it. He grumbles about Mumford & Sons being too “mainstream.” However, he’s ultra-sweet to his cats and writes guitar music for them.
He is the reason for Polynesian Sauce. It doesn’t punch you in the face like Zesty Buffalo or stink your breath like Garlic Ranch. It’s a chill sauce with brown sugar feels, the middle ground between overpowering and bland. There is a trace of sour, but the taste is earthier and almost reminiscent of a caramel glaze.
Sweet & Spicy Sriracha: The Notorious Badass Who’s Actually A Softie Inside
Her outfits for class and the nightclub are the same—crop top with a choker, tight shorts, and those lace-up gladiator sandals. Being hot is her full-time occupation, as is wooing boys she’ll never date and shoplifting eyeshadows at Sephora. She’s hotheaded, but she also has a softer side of Starbucks dates, homemade cards, and cuddly study hours, too.
She only eats Sweet & Spicy Sriracha Sauce. There are no limits with this jalapeño badass. As a burgundy free-for-all of chili peppers, ginger, garlic and red peppers, this Sriracha sauce is the hotter cousin of Zesty Buffalo. It still coats everything in heat, but in a less flashy and sweeter way.
Feeling sauced out? Or are you addicted to Chick-fil-A even more? Either way, it’s clear Chick-fil-A sauces could definitely upstage a fortune teller.