Candy Corn is CANCELLED this Halloween season and here is why:
Trick-or-treating in America is about one thing and one thing only: getting as much candy as you possibly can. I remember dressing up and trotting around my extra large pillow case; making it a competition with my friends of who would come home with the biggest batch of sugary treats we could carry. We would trade everything from KitKat bars to Skittles, but there was one candy in particular that was always the designated “least favorite.” Not only was this candy a horrible trade in the eyes of my childhood friends and I, but it also most-often ended up in the garbage in my household simply because nobody wanted to eat it. What candy could possibly be so awful, you ask? Candy Corn. Forgive me, for I know that this may be a controversial opinion. How dare I speak so negatively on the most iconic candy of the fall season? Because Candy Corn is kind of gross, in all honesty.
To begin, regardless of what Candy Corn is made of, it tastes like sugar-coated candle wax. It is chewy in the worst possible way, and makes your sensitive sweet-tooth ache like never before. It was once described to me as “the brussel sprouts of halloween candy” (assuming you don’t like brussel sprouts). I have also heard it called other offensive names such as “Satan's Earwax” and described as objectively better than “the leftover crumbs stuck in Guy Fieri's goatee.” Nevertheless, it is true that Candy Corn is hated amongst a wide-variety of people. But, I would be lying if I said that we don’t still have some Candy Corn fans out there.
As much as I would like to deny it, there are still people who think that Candy Corn is great. I understand that it is a staple of Halloween and fall festivities, and that it looks pretty cute when stacked up like a corn cob. But you can’t argue that the taste is artificially repulsive (to put it lightly). Candy Corn may serve as a nice decoration, but to eat? I would not recommend it unless wax and corn syrup together are words that excite you.
Candy Corn was always that one candy I was disappointed to see when looking through my Halloween stash at the end of the night. Not the purple gummies, nor the brown M&M’s, but the Candy Corn is what I still refuse to eat to this day.
I recognize that I am probably making some people upset by my stark and brutal expression of this opinion. Some may even say that by disliking Candy Corn, I am disrespecting the tradition and history of the candy. Well, to be even more blunt, I don’t really care. Because, to make a long story short, Candy Corn is pretty disgusting. And I can assure you, I will not be eating it this Halloween season.
If you’re looking for other candy to steer clear of this Halloween, check out this article, or this one. But if you’re in need of some sweet treats that are usually praised by trick-or-treaters, click here to view a list of delightful new goodies to try this season, or here to see which candy you should try based on the state you live in if you’re looking to find something new!