Grocery stores are truly magical; they’re big, bright, and colorful. What more can you ask for?

Well, the beauty of grocery stores can sometimes be blinding and lead to impulsive purchases, and this is exactly what happened to me. I was browsing through Food Lion the other week when I came across this:

Eddie Choi

Yes, you read it right. It’s bacon jam. And what does one do upon spotting jam made of bacon? One buys it. That’s exactly what I did.

When I got back to my dorm, I immediately regretted the purchase. I was no longer seeing the world through the grocery store filter and realized I had wasted my money. 

Then I thought, “maybe I should write an article on this.” That way, nothing would go to waste. So I went around and showed some of my American friends the jar (you know, to not offend anybody with my article). I am not from America, so I wasn’t entirely sure if this was an established delicacy here. Here are some of their reactions:

Eddie Choi
Eddie Choi

I think we can safely assume that bacon jam is not a thing in America based on their faces.

To be completely honest, I secretly wanted my friends to be like, “bacon jam? That’s my childhood!”. At least then I wouldn’t have to eat it. I was grossed out just by the thought of it. So in order to mask the full taste of the jam, I decided to eat it with some vegetable crackers.

Eddie Choi

Being the philanthropist that I am, I decided to share my pain with some of my friends. Everybody ran away from me (story of my life), except for this brave soul.

Eddie Choi

To my surprise, he liked it. He even took a second one. And me? I had one and puked.

You’re probably curious as to what the in the hell this bacon jam tastes like. The jam actually didn’t taste anything like bacon. It was kind of like salty vegetables, but liquified and ground with garbage and then marinated in a toilet for 42 days. I hated the texture of it too; it was like gelatinous, which is not what you would want from anything meat-related.

Final Thoughts

Overall, I would give the bacon a jam a 2/5. Like you know that friend who you have a passive aggressive relationship with because neither of you will admit that you guys don’t like each other? I’m not saying that I have one, but this is the exact type of Christmas present you’d buy that friend.