As a college student, you encounter a lot of different types of people, some good, some... not so good. Nonetheless, after just one term in college, I have already met so many different people. What have I noticed? Many guys fall into stereotypes, and what better way to describe these guys than using food, specifically Dunkin' Donuts donuts.
Double Chocolate Donut - The Burnout
Ah, yes. A fan favorite of both RAs and neighbors alike, the burnout is the epitome of a slacker. He seemingly lost all motivation to do well between getting into college and actually going to college. When you ask him what he’s doing with his life, he has no idea. Better yet, if you ask him what he had for breakfast, he has no idea.
Sadly, though, this guy also tends to hang out with and become the typical college stoner. Sometimes you really wonder how campus security hasn’t caught him yet. Like the double chocolate donut, he really has no idea what’s going on and is just a mix of many things at the same time, hoping for everything to work out.
In the end, like the double chocolate donut, the burnout is an acquired taste; if you can roll with the punches, you can probably make it work with this guy.
Glazed Donut - The Nerd
Everyone knows one. He sits front and center in every class. Though not cruel-intentioned, the nerd always happens to ask irrelevant questions that create class-wide eye rolls. He does all the work immediately after class, so he can spend his free time playing video games.
Similar to the glazed donut, the nerd is sweet and wants to be liked, but is a little bland. Nonetheless, some find his personality and intelligence intriguing. All in all, he’s not the worst person to encounter, but there are many better than him.
Jelly Donut - The Jock
Even if sports aren’t popular at your university, the jock thinks he’s the biggest deal on campus. Regardless of the fact that he may have only made one goal the entire season, or his team presented the worst season the college has ever seen, the jock still boasts as if he just won ESPN’s Sportsman of the Year.
The issue with the jock is that he doesn’t realize how he portrays himself. Like the jelly donut, he acts tough and cool on the outside, but is sweet inside like the filling of a jelly donut. In the end, his ego may be big, but has an endearing heart.
Toasted Coconut Donut - The Prepster
Seemingly the most divisive of the bunch, the prepster receives as much love from his peers as he does hate. Dressed from head to toe in Vineyard Vines, Patagonia, and Sperrys, his salmon shorts can be spotted from a mile away. He tends to come from old money, and loves to brag about his summers in Martha’s Vineyard, the Hamptons, or Hilton Head. Though some are turned off by his haughty personality, others find it compelling and overall, very appealing, like the Toasted Coconut Donut.
Chocolate Frosted Donut - The Neighbor
He’s the first guy you meet on campus and he’s probably the guy you’ll see more than anyone. You’ll either become best friends with him or hate him, but somehow, regardless, the neighbor will always be there for you.
Like the chocolate frosted donut, he is always a formidable backup plan for all scenarios. Whether you need help reaching the top shelf of your closet or to kill the spider on your ceiling, he’ll always lend a helping hand. Ultimately, he will have made his mark on your college career as your first neighbor.
Boston Cream Donut - The Frat Bro
The most prevalent of stereotypical college boys, the frat bro is the king of receiving sarcastic eye rolls. He makes sure you know his presence in the room by making loud, bonehead comments and making sure everyone knows how “lit” he got last Saturday. After all, he was part of the movement that coined the phrase “Saturdays are for the boys.”
Just like the Boston cream donut is Dunkin’ Donuts’ most known donut, he is what you think of when you think of college guys. Also, you might think being with a frat bro is ideal and what you want, just like eating a Boston cream donut, but after a little while, you realize it’s not good for you and you’re just not going to feel right after.
Strawberry Frosted Donut - The Nice Guy
The saddest of the stereotypes, the nice guy always gets the short end of the stick. Always seen as the friend, the nice guy is who everyone goes to when something’s going wrong.
Like the strawberry frosted donut, he’s seemingly everyone’s favorite and first choice, regardless of the situation. Sure, the strawberry donut is a classic, but for some people, he will never live up to the standard of a Boston cream donut. Nonetheless, in the eyes of others, nice guys may not finish last.
French Cruller - The Foreign Guy
Yes, it happens that the foreign guy is compared to the French cruller, the donut featuring a different nationality than my own. Likewise, both the French cruller and foreign guy are different from all of their counterparts. The foreign guy is deep and mysterious, talking about his trips to all these different countries, some of which you’ve never even heard of. He is an enigma, which makes him very desirable, yet also very daunting.
Like the French cruller, he is appealing, but you really don’t know much about him. Essentially, the foreign guy can be good from time to time, but he shouldn't be your go-to just because of his passport.
Vanilla Frosted Donut - The Has Been
The has been, or the high school star, whatever you call him, he is the only person who could possibly be more aggravating than the frat bro. He constantly talks about the good ol' days of high school and brags about the one time his school’s football team made states. Without question, everyone knows that he peaked in high school and will never get over those four years.
Like the vanilla frosted donut, everyone is OK with him for a little, but quickly realize he is overrated and not that desirable. As many Dunkin' Donuts have discontinued the vanilla frosted donut, the message should be passed along to the has been: The past is in the past. Just let it go.
Sure. Guys are great. But in all honesty, do any of them compare to the wonder that is fried dough with sugary-sweet frosting? That would be a no from me.