Have you ever wondered where the fortunes in your fortune cookies come from, or how companies choose the best combo in your pack of Trident Layers gum? Honestly, you probably have not wondered these questions, but I am here to tell you all about the bizarre food jobs you can find. We have all considered dropping out of school a few times, so why not drop out and start tasting dog food?

1. Egg Peeler

croque madame, fried egg, dairy product, egg yolk, butter, bread, egg, toast
Helena Lin

My favorite item from Trader Joe’s is their pre-peeled bag of hard-boiled eggs. It is truly the best breakfast. Sadly, some worker out there spends their day making sure no shells enter my bag of Trader Joe’s eggs. Egg peeling expert, Barbara Dale-Avant (yeah, I guess an egg peeling expert is a title), has a personal record of 48 eggs in one minute. That is absurd.

2. Gum Chewer

Alex Frank

A lucky worker is chosen to spend day and night testing various flavors of chewing gum and to decide which flavors are most suitable for customers. I legit need this job because I go through a pack a day (of gum, not cigarettes).  

3. Dog Food Tester

Kayla Cain

I truly wish this job was a joke. A DOG FOOD TESTER. No. There is no way for dog food companies to test their product on their consumers (because they're literally dogs). Instead, some poor human soul has to make sure the recipe is good enough for your household animal. These workers check for nutritional content, texture and consistency. On the plus side, they can apparently make up to $77,000 a year. Shook. 

4. Fortune Cookie Message Writer

caramel, sweet
Caitlyn Heter

Someone has to write those quirky messages that angsty teens love to keep in the back of their phone cases. We have all gotten some sort of message like, “Wealth without wisdom is a fool’s paradise” or some joke like, “I can’t help you I’m just a cookie." People literally get paid to think of this nonsense.

5. Garbage Anthropologist 

Alex Frank

William Rathje, a professor of anthropology at the University of Arizona, runs a study called "The Garbage Project" to analyze the food we throw away. He believes the food we throw away can be very "revealing." This is one of the more interesting food jobs as it is also coupled with an entire research project.

6. Chicken Sexer 

wine, beer
Topanga McBride

Chicken sexers are trained professionals that literally just hold a chicken and determine what sex the chicks will be. They are most common in Japan and England and rack up $40,000 for just guessing. Why do they need to know the sex of chicks? Lmk. 

7. Mycologist 

vegetable, meat, mushroom, saute
Alex Vu

Mycologists are trained professionals that study mushrooms and determine which mushrooms are poisonous or deadly and which we can eat. You better hope your next bread bowl of mushroom bisque soup from Panera is not a death sentence.

8. Live Stock Inseminator 

Topanga McBride

This job involves impregnating livestock by collecting and storing sperm and then later injecting it into the animals. I am so unsure of how to feel about this, but I guess it is better than cleaning the feces of farm animals out of their pens.

There you have it, a list of eight bizarre food jobs that you probably will not have when you grow up. If you do, kudos to you. For now, I will be balling out in the library so I do not have to chow down on dog food for a living.