Everything I know about babies comes from that 2000 Disney movie, Quints, about some uber-fertile mom having 5 babies. That isn’t much to go off, especially since finding a man worth impregnating me is also a whole other struggle.
It’s great planning a cacti-themed baby shower for someone else who’s pregnant – all of the “cool aunt” fun and none of the vomiting, mood swings, or Charley horses. However, since babies, marriage, and men are mysteries to me, helping my mom with the baby shower was a what the f*ck dilemma.
What’s a binky? Is pin the penis on the baby boy too much? But don’t worry, here are some tips for throwing a kickass baby shower based on what I learned:
1. Keep The Hor d'oeuvres Simple
A complicated meal during a baby shower – four courses, lots of forks, the works – seems a little ridiculous. Keep your food simple and serve top-notch hor d'oeuvres instead. As the “classy” version of finger food, these pick-ons can include pasta salad, chicken salad croissants, ricotta and honey on toast, and Crème fraîche with salmon. It’s also easy to make these hor d'oeuvres yourself and save $$$ for future diapers.
2. Cater Baby Shower Games To Your Audience
There's a baby shower game featuring plastic babies frozen in ice cubes that are blown on until “the water breaks” - that’s a strange af game when your 86-year-old grandma is playing it. Keep shower games age appropriate to make sure everyone can participate.
At my sister’s shower, it was a mix of traditional and out-of-the-box games: the conventional “what’s in your purse?” game and a live version of “name that tune.” Serenading a bunch of middle-aged women with my flute was great, especially since it made my grandmother happy.
3. Don’t Run Out of Prosecco (Or Other Alcohol)
My mother thought a lone bottle of Prosecco would satisfy the thirst of 50-year-old ladies – she was wrong. Women like to drink, especially when the options are mimosas or merlot from Germany. Although baby showers aren’t intended for drunkenness (after all, the mom-to-be can’t drink), a cheeky buzz is always welcome.
4. Buy a Special Baby Gift as Host for the Mother-to-be
Since I was my sister’s maid-of-honor at her wedding and the future godmother, I wanted to get a special gift for my nephew. I ended up buying a onesie from Swamphead, a local brewery in Gainesville, Florida (where the University of Florida is located). The back says “Swamp butt,” and it was too painfully cute not to get.
5. Take Scheduled Breaks for Dog Duty
Socializing with 20+ women not in your age bracket can be taxing. It’s important to take breaks to collect your anti-social wits about you – good thing my sister’s puppy is a black lab rascal. I was her wrangler and keeper during the party, taking her away she started terrorizing the guests (in a cute way) and sneaking in a break myself.
#SpoonTip: Not being hungover or exhausted from going out the night before makes baby showers so much easier. As a college student, it’s easy to lose sight of family and be selfish – However, partying is so insignificant compared to getting a nephew.
6. Don’t Leave Everything to your Mom at the Last Minute
Guilty! My sister’s shower was a few weeks after University started, so I was trying to remotely plan from Gainesville. I helped my mother before I left (i.e. designing the game cards, buying cacti as party favors, buying napkins and confetti), but she carried most of the burden. Although mother’s know best when it comes to party planning and babies, they still need help from younger (and clueless) siblings.
Oh Boy
I was cut out to be the badass aunt, the one who takes her nephew to indie concerts and lights his first cigar. The idea of growing a human inside my body is so foreign – incomprehensible. My sister's world of corporate law, marriage, and trying out strollers at Target is Mars compared to my bar nights and bar fights. But that doesn’t mean I can’t throw a goodass shower!