Bottomless brunching is a huge undertaking. It’s also a great way to prove to the world that you’re a mature adult who can handle a drink or two or three with your first meal of the day. Here are foolproof steps to follow in order to show everyone that you have your sh*t together.
1. Research
This is the crucial first step. You may be on your way to acting like an IRL grown up, but chances are, you’re still working with a young adult budget. Find the best spots in your city to get your money’s worth.
2. Assemble the team
Pick a group of your most mature friends who can pack down their champagne like seasoned professionals. Never bring a bottomless rookie—this should go without saying.
3. Strategize
The day has finally come. You’ve arrived at your brunch spot and you have to pick your first drink. If bloodies are one of the choices offered, you should always start with one. Keep the sugar consumption controlled. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to get your OJ and champs fix, so start off slow.
4. Pace yourself
Usually bottomless brunch spots are poppin’ so your drinks come with a time limit. The standard is 90 minutes to two hours. Pace yourself. You don’t want to be out of commission 45 minutes in. That is not only embarrassing to the rest of your team, but you’ll also waste your investment, which is so not adult of you.
5. Stay calm
Your waiter just gave you a 20-minute warning. Now is the appropriate time to calmly pound it back. As a grown up, you want to get your money’s worth and with mere minutes left to brunch, not much can go wrong. Guzzle up, babe.
6. Nap (discreetly)
If the previous steps were followed correctly, you will need to nap. This is almost as crucial as step one. You can get a head start in the Uber home, but make sure to clarify that you’re just resting your eyes.
7. Order delivery
Once you wake up, you’ll be disoriented. It’s important to stay in the house at this stage as to not let anyone see how far you’ve fallen from your adult peak. Still, you will need ready-made nutrition to revive your body, so order delivery for one and regain composure.