I was looking through the Snapchat Discover articles, as I love to do every day, when I came across an article that immediately made me angry. It was called “Stop Feeling Bad About Ghosting,” and when I saw it at first I felt like I was going to throw up.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, ghosting refers to a person ignoring someone they are seeing or dating, usually casually, when they want to end things, rather than telling the person. Instead of being upfront, they just disappear, hence the term “ghost.”
As someone who has been ghosted before, and knows multiple other people who have, I’ve spent a ton of time hoping that people out there will learn to stop ghosting, and then I see this article that basically encourages them to continue to do so. This, in turn, encouraged me, to try to get the message out there that people should feel bad about ghosting and they should stop.
Let’s Show Each Other Some Respect
When I talk to my friends who have gone through this it makes me so sad that they have to feel this way. It continues to happen quite often and it makes me super upset. I am so tired of it being such a normalized thing and I’m tired of people handling things like this. At some point, it has to stop, and I hope to inspire people to stop it.
The author starts off by showing how common it is today. I don’t think, however, that because something is common, that makes it acceptable. They also say later on that “ghosting only sucks because rejection sucks.” I can say that is absolutely false. While yes, rejection obviously does suck, that is not the only reason why being ghosted sucks. Being ghosted sucks because on top of the disinterest in pursuing or continuing some type of relationship, the person now can’t even respect to whoever they’re rejecting enough to acknowledge them. Being straight up ignored is incredibly embarrassing too.
I would rather someone tell me honestly, but nicely of course, that they don’t want to continue things than to sit around and feel like I’m not even worth their respect. Additionally, in my own experience, I was lucky to eventually receive an apology, and finally getting that acknowledgment made me feel a great deal better. Even though I still faced rejection, I felt at peace that my existence was recognized. I waited for weeks until I heard something, and when I finally did, excuse the cliche, I felt as though a weight had been lifted off of my chest.
We All Have to do Things That Make Us Uncomfortable Sometimes
One main theme of the article I read is getting people to know that ghosters are not terrible people, and I’m not saying that they are. I know that most of the time, they’re not, and I do think it’s forgivable. I also think, however, that it is a mistake people may not realize they are making.
What I’m saying is that it is extremely hurtful, even though it’s unintentional. I want people to realize this and cut it out. You aren’t sparing anyone’s feelings by ghosting them, in fact, you’re likely hurting them more. The only person really benefitting from this is yourself because you are scared to face an uncomfortable situation and are therefore avoiding it to make your own life easier. Unfortunately, we all have to do things that make us uncomfortable sometimes.
Honesty is the Best Policy
Waiting around for someone to answer or acknowledge you is one of the worst things. While maybe it should be obvious that they aren’t interested, sometimes people are just bad at communicating. The days spent wondering and wondering if the other person is done or not, are not fun. By being straightforward with someone sooner, you would eliminate days of crazy upset questioning and confusion, and you wouldn’t be wasting their time. I’m not saying they won’t be upset, but they’ll most likely appreciate your honesty, and they’ll probably get over it faster.
I definitely think it is healthier to communicate with people openly, and that ghosting is a lazy way for people to deal with their problems. Telling people that this is acceptable teaches them that they can ignore their problems or responsibilities, which is not the mentality we want to have as a society. This is especially unfair when the responsibility in question regards another person. I think that ghosting shows a lack of respect for people and that is not okay. If someone is investing their time and energy into you, and you no longer want to be a part of whatever kind of relationship you’re in, you should at least take the time to them know. Let’s save the ghosts for Halloween.