According to “Look What You Made Me Do”, Taylor Swift didn’t quite “Shake It Off”. Instead, she held on to all the anger she’s harbored over the entire span of her music career and presented it to the world in the form of her new single. While self-proclaimed “Swifties” all over the world have been anxiously awaiting the drop of another album ridden with relatable lyrics and cheerful melodies, Swift has been meticulously crafting a revenge album about conflicts that, quite frankly, are not even relevant anymore.
The surprisingly sour attitude coming from the pop star, who once sang about the innocent teardrops on her guitar and being fifteen years old, has effectively rocked the world of both avid followers and hardcore haters of Swift alike. I’m here to provide you gentle reassurance that there are indeed foods that are more bitter than this new single. Check ’em out below.
1. Fruit Seeds
Like Tay said circa 2008 in her tune “Hey Stephen”, looks can be deceiving. When it comes to munching on fruits, one would expect nothing less than to receive a sweet, pleasant taste with every bite. But if you come too close to the core, the flavor you will receive may surprise you. The tiny seeds housed in the very center of fruits such as apples and pears have an extremely displeasing, bitter taste- but for good reason. Stored inside these tiny kernels are toxic substances, like arsenic or cyanide, that are lethal when consumed in certain doses! Maybe this is what killed “the old Taylor”? The world will never know.
2. Bay Leaves
Known for their distinctive tea-like fragrance, bay leaves are often added to foods such as soups and sauces to give them a unique flavor. But if one of these leaves is not removed before serving and ends up on your dinner plate, resist any urge to try it. While they provide a pleasing, herbaceous taste to a dish, a taste of the leaf alone will make your tongue wither in bitter agony. While some may claim Tay is so sour because she had a bae leave, I say it’s because she had a bay leaf.
3. Arugula
This green leaf is may be the boujee version of lettuce, but most people do not actually enjoy it’s uncommon flavor. The pungent plant is extremely bitter on the palate, leaving it to be enjoyed by only those who prefer the pungent taste. For this reason, sweet foods such as dried fruits and candied nuts are often served with arugula. Next time Swift orders a salad, she should probably opt for romaine.
4. Coffee
Take away all the sugars, milks, whipped creams, and flavor shots from your favorite coffee drink and you’ve got yourself one of the most bitter, yet widely consumed, liquids. Coffee in its pure form is a dark black color, much like the shade of Taylor’s new lipstick. Black coffee has a taste so harsh you would think your favorite Starbucks order is made from an entirely different liquid altogether.
5. Dill
When mixed into your favorite ranch dressing along with other typical ingredients such as buttermilk, garlic, and onion powder, the flavor of dill is perceived by the palate as some sort of herbal element. However, when sampled alone this staple ingredient Hidden Valley’s prize product has a quite bitter taste that is almost as overwhelming to the tongue as Swift’s sudden change in attitude is to her loyal followers.
6. Citrus Fruit Peels
As as sweet as their interior may be, the brightly colored peels surrounding citrus fruit such as oranges and limes never quite taste as good as they appear. Although they may embody a variety of enticing shades of bright colors, sampling the peel’s unpleasantly bitter taste will leave you even more unsatisfied than I was after staying up till midnight to be one of the first people to hear “Look What You Made Me Do”.
7. Dark Chocolate
If I’m going to be completely honest, I’ve wasted more time in my life trying to force myself to like dark chocolate than Taylor Swift has spent waiting for other people to receive their bad karma. As compared to the sweeter milk chocolate generally used in your favorite candy bars such as Twix or REESE’S, the darker variations contain significantly more cocoa, measured by percentages, which gives them their signature bitter flavor.
8. Sesame Seeds
While my love for sesame bagels quite possibly runs deeper than Taylor’s newfound love for serpents, I find the taste of these seeds sans bread and cream cheese utterly displeasing. While they are often roasted to remove some their typical bitter flavor, sesame seeds are are not quite mild enough to be snacked upon like sunflower or pumpkin seeds.
9. Endive
Another example of a salad base that has hit the upgrade, endives are green-white vegetables with very bitter leaves. Its raw presentation, like most other lettuces, helps to preserve the tart taste, which is even more harsh than the minor key of “Look What You Made Me Do”.
10. Grapefruit Juice
While not as intensely bitter as a plain cup o’ joe, grapefruit juice still has a distinctively sour aftertaste that explains it’s general dislike by most people. The initially sweet sensation experienced when taking a swig of the juice is quickly replaced by a sharp, harsh aftertaste that makes many flinch like they just got bit by one of Swift’s new snakes.
Until she officially drops all the songs on her new album “Reputation”, I don’t really know if the whole thing is one giant grudge track. But what I do know is that I hope, for both Taylor and her own fan’s sake, that the rest of this album differs greatly from the bitter, remorseful tone of “LWYMMD”. Because to be honest, Taylor, it sounds like you’re moved on from burning pictures to rolling heads.