Generally speaking, New York City bars can already be a difficult road to navigate. You never know which ones are overpriced, teeming with fake-ID wielding high schoolers, or constantly reek of various human-produced smells. On Halloween, every horrid aspect of NYC bars intensifies to an unbearable extreme. For the most part, any bar will be quite busy or rowdy every Halloween. But, if you dare to venture out this year, avoid these bars to keep your sanity throughout the night:
1. Bar None
This should be a no-brainer for anyone who’s visited here before. Don’t let the prospect of cheap drinks fool you into stumbling into Bar None. Your personal space will be invaded by every other college student that made the poor decision to stop there. Worse, if you don’t get knocked over by some clumsy drunk who wants to show off his dance moves, that drunk is probably you. It’s definitely one of the last NYC bars you want to be seen in on Halloween.
#SpoonTip: Hit them up for Sunday afternoon football instead
2. Phebe’s
On any other night, I would probably tell you that you should grab some wings and beer with friends at Phebe’s. On Halloween, I will tell you that unless your ideal night consists of getting wedged next to an intimate couple and being sloshed with tequila (and probably not Patrón), do not come here. It’s also right down the street from NYU, so you can expect to be waiting in a scary long line to get inside of this NYC bar.
3. 13th Step
Another sports bar with the appeal of low prices, please don’t make the mistake of showing up at this watering hole clad in costume this weekend. It’s already a cramped and dive-y college bar in general, and has often been compared to “a giant frat party”. On Halloween, you can expect it to be even more disgusting than usual as you get cramped in there with all of NYC’s Greek life.
4. Loreley Beer Garden
You might be thinking that a beer garden sounds like a relaxing, fun way to spend your Halloween. You would be wrong. On a busy night in most bars, you can expect the staff to get stressed out and maybe unfriendly. Here, however, you can expect bartenders to yell at the rowdy customers and to be shoved around by everyone who works there as they try and wade through the crowd. There may be fun beer gardens to visit this Halloween in NYC, but this is not one of them.
5. Turtle Bay
Another considerably “fratty” bar, you can expect the same crowds and drama as usual at this watering hole, except so many times worse for the holiday. Even on a non-Halloween night, it’s a long haul from the Village up to Midtown for the cheap drinks offered here. If braving the subway on Halloween isn’t scary enough, the hordes of schwasty college students will make this a nightmare for even the most season of Halloween bar-hopping veterans.
Whatever you’re looking for this Halloween, you won’t find it at any of these places. You can be stuffed among the masses at any NYC bar during any other weekend, but surrounded by costumed clowns and demons on top of it all will make you regret ever stepping foot outside of your room. Do yourself a favor this Halloween, and avoid these bars at all costs.