Want to try out something new for the next time you’re gettin’ it on, but you aren’t sure where to start? Believe it or not, your favorite pizza topping might steer you in the right direction. Pizza and sex are like, basically the same, right?
Veggie Pizza: The Straddle
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Veggie pizza lovers tend to be sensitive yet surprising, so wow your partner with “the straddle.” It’s kind of romantic, since you’re looking at each other face-to-face, and that will feed your sensitive side, but it’s also very intense, letting your partner know that you’ve got a few tricks up your sleeve.
Pepperoni: Reverse Cowgirl
Photo by Christine Chang
Pepperoni is pretty much the most popular topping – it’s fun and spicy. So try out something equally popular and spicy, like the reverse cowgirl. It makes your butt look good, so it’s a hit with everyone.
Mushroom: Saucy Spoons
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The type of people who order mushroom pizza are also the type of people who will tip the delivery guy 25% and offer the last slice of pizza to their friends before taking it. There’s something kinda hippie-ish about mushroom pizza, so try out this lovey-dovey position next time around.
Pineapple: The Waterfall
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Generally, people who are into pineapple on their pizza are quirky and not afraid to be themselves no matter what others say. Even though there are plenty of people out there who are quick to shame pineapple pizza lovers, you order it on your pizza anyways and don’t look back.
That being said, try out a sex position like the waterfall that may have your partner all like, “wtf?!” at first, but once they learn to embrace something new and different, they’ll realize that your taste in pizza toppings and sex positions should never be questioned again.
Anchovy: The Wheelbarrow
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Anchovies are another pizza topping that gets trashed a lot. People who like anchovy on their pizza tend to be bold and confident, not unlike the pineapple lover, so you should be trying out something equally intense like the wheelbarrow. Be warned – it’s a position that isn’t for the faint of heart, but if you’re eating little fish on your pizza, you’ve probably got some serious cajones and can handle it.
Sausage: The Magic Bullet
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(Listen, I’m not tryna make the obvious sex & sausage joke here, so let’s pretend our minds didn’t immediately go “there.”) If you like sausage on your pizza, you’re not afraid of a little spice. A little kick. You know exactly what’s going to take your pizza to the next level, so take your sex life to the next level with a spicy round of the magic bullet-ing.
Plain Cheese: The Soft Rock
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Plain cheese is, of course, the most basic type of pizza. But, hey, even the most basic things can be pretty great with a little added spice. Which is why you should try out “the soft rock,” which is a slight twist on the ol’ classic missionary position. Keepin’ it simple, but never boring.
The Works: The Pretzel
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You’ve got a lot going on on your pizza, so you should have a lot going on in bed, too. Get yourself all wrapped up with your partner with the pretzel, and then treat yoself to hella pizza after that intense workout.