The University of Virginia dating scene is pretty typical for a big university, and lots of students meet love interests through frat basements, bars right near Grounds, or via mutual friends. It is common to suffer through the pain of dating a frat pledge, passing a hookup on your way to class, or getting your heart broken by someone one dorm floor below you. But what may be even worse is dating someone who commonly uses their dining hall plan’s meal exchanges and flex dollars to “pay” for your dates. With three dining halls, dozens of meal exchange eateries, and if you’re really fancy, the Newcomb Pav dinner places like Chick-fil-A or Subway, the worst date spots in UVA all happen to be on Grounds. I’ve talked with fellow UVA students who unfortunately boast a multitude of bad dining hall date experiences, which all end with a mutual “let’s never do that again.”
Let’s call this student Ally. Ally told me that she never really prioritized her dating life, especially when starting college. “I was more focused on friends and having a good time,” she explains, adding even if boys turned her head in class or out and about. She wasn’t the type of girl to go on dates just for the sake of it. Ally’s three different dining hall dates with three different guys all seemed pretty casual going into the meetup. “It was never the first time we had hung out because we had usually met in a group of friends beforehand.” Through sorority date functions and running in similar circles, each of these dates were with trusted guys who may have been nice deep down, but definitely needed some dating education.
Slimy Sandwiches
The first date took place at a sandwich spot on campus, the famous Rising Roll. The guy initiated the date after meeting and talking at Trin on the Corner, but claimed he had never been to Rising Roll prior to the date. They met after her class, which was conveniently located in New Cabell with the eatery, and she was super excited after their weekend encounter. “I thought this guy was so cute and had heard good things from our mutual friends,” she says. He may or may not have been a good kisser too.
He asked for her lunch recommendation, which was the turkey sandwich. “Looking back, that turkey was definitely suspicious and too watery to have been close to any suggestion on a date,” she laughs. The bigger issue was that the date just felt like an afterthought. It was convenient to meet because her class was done in the same location, and they got separate GrubHub tickets to use their own meal exchanges for the sandwiches. It definitely felt transactional to Ally. “I knew eating at a meal exchange spot was so not it, but I hoped the next time we did something would be at a better place.” Maybe in the future he could show her a spot he genuinely enjoyed.
To make matters worse, the sandwiches at Rising Roll are so aggressively messy. The turkey slides out of the bread all over the wrapper, so trying to talk while eating makes any conversation chaotic, especially when you’re trying to get to know someone you’re going on a date with. Ally definitely realized how much she hates food dates after this lunch, especially at on-campus eateries with sub-par turkey sandwiches. This boy didn’t seem too keen on making any more effort to do something better, and Ally “texted back to see him again and went to his frat party, but he was a pledge so [she] ended up with his frat brothers instead.” In hindsight, a first date built around dripping turkey sandwiches and flex dollars probably wasn’t setting either of them up for success.
Coffee Chat Minus The Chat
This next date started in a similar way. Ally met this boy via going out with a group of their mutual friends. She had actually known of him in high school from sports, but they never really crossed paths until they both got to UVA. “I remember at first I was confused if it was a date. He just asked me to get coffee through text.” Ally didn’t know if this was just a casual hangout or a coffee date, which is why him paying for the drink mattered. Luckily, when they met at Starbucks, he instantly “insisted on paying with his own flex dollars,” something Sandwich Man cannot relate to.
The two met at the Newcomb Starbucks over an iced vanilla latte and brown sugar shaken espresso. Instantly, the conversation was not doing it for Ally. “He talked too much like a frat boy, and I thought about the need to preface to my friends that he talks so fratty. I didn’t want to have to preface anything about someone I was going to date, so I knew then it would just fizzle out.” Too many “bros” and pledging stories later, Ally immediately thought her friends would notice it and disapprove. In his defense, he asked a bit about her friends, but was clearly more interested in talking about what frat events he had that weekend.
After the initial small talk, the conversation slowed down…almost right away. She realized she was carrying, and Ally didn’t want to be the one asking all the questions. “I had less and less to ask and we talked way too much about our pets.” One could say that’s not the worst last safe topic to have left. Conversation lulls are definitely amplified when drinking Starbucks beside all your fellow peers, people from classes, and your dorm neighbors. “These dates definitely teach you that there’s not always going to be a connection even if they’re nice and you have mutual friends.” The silence from the date carried into texting when neither person followed up.
Bagels & Laundry Day
Ally had given up hope of finding a boyfriend first year, but was excited to meet up with a guy friend on what seemed like a date. He had asked her out after knowing each other in a group setting for a while, insisting they get bagels sometime at Bodo’s, a popular breakfast spot right on the Corner. Breakfast was great to Ally, but her date’s frat exec position provided a much busier schedule than she was anticipating. Normally, she’d only be up on a weekend before 9 a.m. for travel or unavoidable sorority volunteering, but this man suggested 8:15 a.m. as the only time that worked for him. Frat president duties, I guess?
The date started with a bang when Ally noticed his appearance, which she instantly clocked he had made zero effort to improve. “It looked like he had rolled out of bed,” she adds. He pulled up in a random t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops, apologizing and explaining that it was laundry day. She wasn’t expecting a suit and tie, but Bodo’s on laundry day was nothing short of embarrassing already. She waited a second to walk into the establishment, but Ally “went ahead of him at the register. He didn’t make it obvious he was coming to order off the same one, so I paid for myself.” So much for a breakfast date.
The conversation didn’t save this date very much either. They ran out of topics quickly despite being in the same circle of friends, and not even the bagel eating could cover up the silence. There seems to be a recurring pattern from the other dates, and Ally was bummed because she expected college dates to be at least a little better than high school. Unfortunately, this pairing “went cold in the chat” as well. Not even an everything bagel is worth waking up early for a man in his laundry day backup outfit. If Ally could’ve given herself any advice prior to this date, she said it would be to “sleep in and get a bagel on your own time.”