Why the Arsenic in Your Two Buck Chuck Isn’t as Alarming as You Think

Last week, California winemakers were accused of allowing unacceptable levels of arsenic into their products.

Among the 28 wineries named include Franzia, Menage a Trois, Cupcake, Moscato, Sutter Home, Pinot Grigio, Wine Cube, Vendage and Charles Shaw. The Shaw brand is also responsible for Trader Joe’s popular “Two Buck Chuck.” Sheesh, someone pass me a drink.

It’s one thing for arsenic to get into stuff we eat. But our wine?! How could this have happened?

Any chemical that comes between you and your wine needs to take a good look at what it’s doing with its life.

And let me tell ya, it’s not doing good things. A class action lawsuit alleges that consumers in California face serious health threats. Treating you poorly and not even letting you know how bad it is? Not cool.

Okay, so what now? These wines are just off limits for a little while until they get their shit together. If they’re alleged to contain toxic levels of arsenic, the logical conclusion is to avoid them until the problem is solved.

Unfortunately, not many people have suggested a timeline for this wine industry revamp, and there isn’t much advice out there for options other than quitting cold turkey. I guess we just have to look tough on the outside for the time being.

You know, pull ourselves up by the bootstraps until this whole poison thing is dealt with.

Wrong. Just when you think you can’t take anymore, they slam you with the real kicker: this isn’t some random contamination. Wineries have known all along that their products pose major health risks to customers—they just haven’t done anything about it.

Yeah, these arsenic levels flying off the charts? When you hear that they’ve been like that the whole time, you can’t help but deny that this is actually happening.

And that denial’s actually a good thing—if you were planning on getting wine drunk tonight, you still can.

A recent article on Forbes looked into how threatening the arsenic actually is. While arsenic poisoning is a serious health issue, its regular levels in the alcoholic beverages and food we consume don’t conclusively seem to correlate to our health outcomes. And if you’re being reasonable about your intake, wine probably won’t be the thing that kills you.

Before you pour that bottle down the drain, know your options. One one hand, if you haven’t suffered awful side effects yet, how risky can it really be? On the other, it’s never a bad idea to drink less wine. Either way, drink responsibly.

Other options to fill the wine-shaped hole in your heart:

• Tequila Will Make You Live Longer
• 2-Ingredient Grapefruit Mimosas
• Blackberry-Mint Margarita