Everything in a Disney movie looks perfect – the skies are the purest blue, the princesses’ waistlines are almost the size of my pinky, the princes don’t have the dad body, and the animals are so damn cute. I used to dream about being part of Disney’s perfect world.
Now that I’m in my 20s, I’m busier, wiser, and much more realistic about life.
Thanks to the Huffington Post, I now know how Disney Princesses would look with realistic waistlines.
And Buzzfeed, thank you for showing me just how douchey Disney princes would be in real life.
As a fan of everything food, I had an epiphany: what would Disney food look like in reality? I decided to take on this challenge and try it myself. Here are the foods in the movie and in reality, and the recipes if you want to try ’em on your own.
Rice Porridge from Mulan
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
Total Time: 15 minutes
½ cup sushi rice
3-4 cups water
1 strip bacon
1. Mix rice and water in a sauce pan.
2. Turn the heat on high until the water boils. Stir occasionally to avoid rice sticking to bottom.
3. Turn the heat to medium-low, cover the pan with the lid and let it simmer for 15 minutes (or until rice becomes translucent and the water is almost completely soaked up).
4. While the rice is cooking, get another non-stick pan and pan-fry two eggs and 1 strip of bacon.
5. Serve the rice porridge in a big bowl and plate it according to the Disney movie.
Taste: Pretty tasteless. The salty bacon adds a little bit of flavor, but once the bacon is gone, there’s nothing to write home about.
Thoughts: Traditionally rice porridge is eaten with salty side dishes like pickled radishes, so simply eating porridge the way Mulan did isn’t really practical. Also… Dear Mulan, how on earth did you find a piece of bacon in ancient China?
Bug Snack from The Lion King
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 0 minutes
Total Time: 20 minutes
1/3 cup Nutella
1 tablespoon coconut oil
2 tablespoons cream cheese
1 drop black food coloring
1 sprig rosemary
2 cherry tomatoes
1. Heat coconut oil in microwave for 15 seconds.
2. In a small mixing bowl, combine Nutella and coconut oil.
3. Take the strawberries by their stems and dip them into the Nutella mixture, coating them evenly on both sides. Place them on a plate and let them set in the fridge.
4. While the strawberries are cooling down, cut the cherry tomatoes lengthwise into quarters and the blueberries into halves.
5. Place 2 tomato quarters and 1 olive together to form the wings and head of a ladybug.
6. With a toothpick, poke two shallow holes on both sides of the blueberry. Insert two rosemary needles in each hole.
7. Take out the strawberries from fridge. Use the toothpick to place two tiny dots of cream cheese on each side of the strawberry.
8. Mix the black food coloring with the remaining cream cheese. Put them into a ziplock bag and cut off the tip. Decorate the strawberry as shown below.
Taste: Strawberry + rosemary + Nutella actually tastes pretty good.
Thoughts: I got a little creative with this one, because 1) finding food made with real bugs isn’t as easy as I imagined (duh) and 2) I’ve eaten fried bugs in China before… it wasn’t pretty or delicious. Also, this appetizer is inspired by this SheKnows blog post.
Gray Stuff from Beauty and the Beast
“Try the gray stuff, it’s delicious. Don’t believe me? Ask the dishes. They can sing, they can dance, after all, Miss, this is France.” – Beauty and the Beast
Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hour 10 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour 30 minutes
½ package Instant Vanilla Jell-O Pudding
1 cup milk
½ tub Cool Whip
1 tablespoon cocoa powder
1. Whisk together half a package of vanilla pudding mix and milk in a small bowl. Set in fridge to chill for 5-10 minutes.
2. Place Oreos in food processor and blend until they are fine crumbs. If you don’t have a food processor, you can place them into a gallon-size freezer bag and smash them using a rolling pin.
3. Take the pudding from the fridge and mix in the crushed Oreos. The mixture will be dark gray/black.
4. Fold in the Cool Whip. It should now be a lighter color but not quite gray.
5. Mix in the cocoa and stir well.
6. Place back in fridge to chill for at least one hour before serving.
Taste: They taste like vanilla flavored Oreos with milk, except much creamier and melts in your mouth.
Thoughts: Do you know Disney actually has a recipe for the gray stuff? I simply just followed this recipe, super easy and tastes pretty good.
Baguette from Aladdin & Apple from Snow White
Thoughts: Well, I cheated on these two. I didn’t make the baguette, nor did I plant an apple tree. Y’all will forgive me on that, right? Bread, good. Apples, classic. No complaints here, folks.
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