Rubbing pizza grease on my face as a makeup remover never crossed my mind until my (brilliant) editor pitched the idea to me one morning. My first reaction was an audible "ew." Then I gave it some thought and I became increasingly curious about the results. So I used the greasy oil from a pepperoni pizza slice to take off my eye makeup, and I'm stunned by the results.
As I mulled over this experiment, I told my friend about what I was going to do, mainly to see what her reaction might be. She replied by saying, "Guys think that's hot." Typical. I told coworkers about the experiment, and one asked if it requires me to put an entire pizza slice on my face. No, but I have drunkenly done that before. I get hangry.
For this experiment, I put on eyeliner and mascara, dabbed a napkin on some pizza grease, and proceeded to wipe the makeup off my eyes. Let me take you through the process.
Step 1: Add Makeup
I have to admit, I don't usually wear makeup. I'm too lazy to make it a part of my daily routine, and I don't think it looks good on me. So, pardon the lousy eyeliner and mascara job—but it's there, I swear.
Step 2: Dab
I'm also not one to dab the grease off of my pizza. I like to just dive right in. It's hard for me put off eating a beautiful slice of pepperoni pizza just to take off the thing that makes it flavorful. Patience is a virtue that I do not possess.
But there it is, the grease that is my new makeup remover. The orange tinted, oily napkin with hints of tomato sauce is ready to be swiped across my eyelids.
Step 3: Be Brave
So here I am, letting the smell of pizza consume me. I lightly swipe the greasy napkin over my eyelid to take off the eyeliner.
And my eye got a little red. It's to be expected though. I'm putting something over my skin that's not exactly common. If the grease makes pizza more flavorful, maybe it will make me more radiant. Just a thought.
It seemed to work. I got a nice clump of eyeliner off of my eye after just one swipe. I looked at the glob of grease and makeup and thought, "We just found the new revolution in eye makeup remover." Good thing people like the smell of pizza, because that's what I'll be smelling like for the rest of the day. Definitely better than the Cheetos cologne we tried on.
Step 4: Get All Up in There
So now it's time to take off the mascara, and I'm all in. My eyes start to water and pizza grease literally gets in my eye.
Visions of pizza flash before my eyes. I start to wonder if I'll get some sort of superpower from getting pizza grease in my eye —like when the spider bit Peter Parker. It stings and the tears start to flow, but I continue to use the grease to take off my mascara.
I got a little concerned when my eye began to burn, itch and tingle hours after I already completed the experiment. So I Googled, "What happens when pizza grease gets in your eyes?" WebMD said "cancer." Figures. As I always say, curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back.
Overall, the experiment was a success. The pizza grease efficiently took off my eye makeup and now I smell like pizza. It's definitely more practical than you might realize. Think of when you have that drunken, late night pizza craving — you can knock out two birds with one stone.
You can just eat some pizza, and then use the grease to take off your makeup so you don't fall asleep in it. You just made yourself the most efficient person on the planet. And that is how pizza revolutionized the world of cosmetics.