The last movie I saw in theaters was “RBG“, which obviously confirmed that real-life people can also be superheroes and sometimes change the world. And as I sat there wide-eyed and girl-crushing for two hours, I snacked on some carefully-prepared movie theater popcorn, with butter layered throughout like a boss and the perfect amount of salt to complement the simple crunch of popped kernels. And it made me wonder—what’s the most important part of the movie theater, the movie or the snacks? And what do our favorite snacks say about us? Well, let me tell you.
Small popcorn: You’re a full-fledged adult
You’re a classic. You probably bought your ticket a week ago when you made plans to see the movie. And you calculated the seat with the most perfect angle and distance from the screen so as to not strain your neck or your eyes. You’ve got your life together, and I commend you for it.
#SpoonTip: Put a straw under the butter dispenser to help distribute an even amount of butter all the way down your bag of popcorn. You’re welcome.
Milk duds: You’re a kid at heart
You live life on the edge and prefer not to learn your lesson after figuring out that these candies incessantly stick to every possible surface in your mouth. You like the idea of them anyways, so you keep on eating. Just like you ate these in the theater of “Incredibles 2”, because you want to relive your carefree childhood when it didn’t matter if caramel was stuck to your teeth for a while.
Junior mints: You’ve got your plate a little too full
You balance a bunch of different commitments all at once, and most of the time it goes pretty well. But sometimes, you find yourself in a movie theater right before a job interview because you double booked and couldn’t cancel on friends or a potential employer. So you picked a safe choice, one that is reliably tasty but will also hopefully leave your breath smelling a bit fresher than before.
M&M’s: You’re not quite ready for adulthood
You’re not outrageously childish, but you also enjoy the adventure and constant amusement of adolescence. You appreciate the constant new flavor churn-out of M&M’s, and you know that a movie is the perfect excuse to eat more than your fair share of candy. And with a shell that doesn’t melt, M&Ms are the perfect treat to snack on all (movie) night long.
Icee/Slushie: You never want to grow up
You’re a party animal. You’ve probably spiked your drink and are using this movie as a pregame before the pregame for the rave your newly minted friend (read: the one you met on the street corner an hour ago) just texted you the address for. You love your ability to ignore adulthood’s responsibilities, and never plan on leaving this carefree period of your life.
Twizzlers: You’re capable, but under-appreciated
You’re the perfect co-worker—reliable for the tasks you’re assigned, and not looking to overshadow anyone else on your team. You may not be fully appreciated for the work that you do behind the scenes, but when people do pay attention to you, they realize just how important you are. And those people will fight to the death for you.
Fruit Snacks: You’re a PTA mom
If you don’t actually have small children yet, you might as well go for it. You’re the mom friend of your group, making sure that everyone around you eats their fruits and veggies, and you don’t believe in indulging without cause—a movie simply isn’t worthy enough for you to accept a full on sugar high.
Water: You take your adult potential too seriously
You like to think of yourself as the next President of the world. You’re confident in your adulting abilities, but you’ve lost sight of the fact that it’s OK to live a little more freely form time to time. Your’e at a movie, after all. Enjoy it!
Regardless of your personality, I’m sure we can all agree that going to the movies is a wonderful way to step away from your day-to-day responsibilities. A theater snack is basically required, so enjoy your favorite.