You’re at a pregame, pouring the same old mixed drink, mind wandering desperately, imagining an option more invigorating than the classic rum and Coke that has carried you through many a damp frat basement. Never fear—Firebox is here.
Phoenix Tears Spiced Rum, described on Firebox’s website as “a mythical alcoholic manifestation of this ancient beast and all of its legendary powers,” is about to make your pregame rise from its ashes. There’s even glitter involved, sweet tears, and plenty of magical intrigue.
Okay, so what exactly is this mythical concoction?
Firebox keeps its magical extraction methods under wraps, but alludes to mixing the “tears” into a premium Caribbean Rum. According to the website, the mixture is swirled with aromas of brown sugar and dried fruit, blended into natural cinnamon and ginger. It proclaims a sweet and spicy flavor, with “shimmering golden embers” whirled into “an opalescent cosmos of dark and mysterious rum.”
The liquor is suitable for vegetarians (but not vegans), and carries 40 percent ABV. In America, 40 percent ABV translates to 80 proof alcohol. So enjoy this mythical experience to the fullest, but carefully. You may actually convince yourself you have super powers, and I don’t want to be responsible for any poor decision-making.
And how can I get a hold of this legendary elixir?
Firebox is based in London, so unlucky Americans like myself can’t have it shipped here. Bummer! Blame international shipping restrictions. But Firebox does promise to be working on more expansive shipping options, so I haven’t lost all hope for my future self yet. Or maybe I should move across the pond.
However, if you’re somewhere in Great Britain or Europe, order away. Phoenix Tears is currently out of stock, but pre-orders are still an option. So if you’re hoping to take advantage of this Firebox exclusive concoction, get online (and quick).
#SpoonTip: You also have to be over 18 years of age to purchase. Sorry.
Phoenix Tears was technically released last year, but it appears to be a holiday drink being re-released with some brand-new flavors. More on those below.
What else is Firebox offering us?
Okay, so you’re hoping to buy some fancy liquor ASAP. Pre-ordering just won’t suffice. Understandably so—you need to forget that final now.
Firebox feels your pain, and has lots of other imaginative options from which to choose. Think Unicorn Tears Gin, which boasts glittery, vegan liquid infused slightly-sweet hints of citrus fruit, oranges, juniper berries, bunches of coriander, and sticks of licorice. (Also check out its twin, the mini-batch Unicorn Tears Black Gin).
But maybe unicorns aren’t for you. Maybe you’d prefer to escape the tedious expectations of reality with Mermaid Tears Vodka, a glittery haze of French-grain vodka that Firebox suggests pouring over your favorite cocktail. More power to you.
The list goes on, but I’m not as creative as Firebox is in describing their drinks. Go ahead and check out the rest of their products, if you feel like being dragged into an enjoyable internet wormhole that I’ve (just now) barely managed to escape. Treat yourself to some fun, and find a friend in the UK who can buy, and possibly ship this to you themselves.