Eating is a straightforward process. Grab a piece of food, open your mouth, chew, and swallow. However, certain foods have a specific way in which they should be consumed for maximum flavor and convenience.
Unfortunately, there are people in the world who choose to defy these foods by eating them in complete contrast to the way they are designed to be eaten. We must stop these heinous acts from continuing. So please, if you know someone who takes part in this food treachery, it might be time for an intervention.
Kit Kats
I chose to eat a @KITKAT like this!#HatersGonnaHate #thuglife #Anarchy pic.twitter.com/Ky1tQ4WBAw
— Wilkes (ukulele tit) (@thatIanWilkes) May 13, 2015
The individual bars exist for a reason. Use them.
Burrito
This poor burrito. Imagine how the lonely guac feels on the other side.
Cereal
Does anyone else use orange juice instead of milk for their cereal?😂 so good though I swear😂 pic.twitter.com/LF6pnjEbxo
— Victoria Trusley (@VTrusley) August 18, 2014
Milk and cereal is the breakfast equivalent to peanut butter and jelly. Pairing it with any other liquid is in violation of food 101.
String Cheese
Created to be peeled in STRINGS, not bitten.
Hot Dog
Most disrespectful thing to do in America tonight. Eat a hot dog like this pic.twitter.com/6VjCT0CL4C
— Nick Richards (@NickRichards__) July 5, 2016
Hot dogs are all about that bun to meat ratio. Eating one top down rather than front to back robs you of the total hot dog flavor experience.
Oranges
Biting into a mandarin instead of its segments #makingothersirrationallyangry pic.twitter.com/lIkdlMPMRb
— Liz Metlitsky (@odetoawe) March 22, 2016
For the sanity of others, slice your oranges. Biting into an orange defeats the purpose of an orange all together.
Pizza
One of my favorite things about not being a politician is eating pizza with a fork and knife whenever I want to. pic.twitter.com/egj3gc23SM
— HenriMazza (@HenriMazza) August 5, 2016
Where is the satisfaction in eating pizza without experiencing the grease drip and cheese pull after grabbing the slice with your bare hands and sinking your teeth in? A fork and knife should never come in proximity to a piece of pizza.
Gum
Common courtesy people. We do not want to hear a washer machine on continuous spin cycle.
Beverages
Slurping and excessive gulping are two sounds we could all do without.
If you find yourself participating in any of these crimes, hopefully this article has sparked a revelation. As for us observers, it is our job to make sure the food world stays intact and operating correctly. If you are a witness to these incorrect behaviors, you better believe it is your duty to interfere. Happy eating!