This was heady news, people. McDonald’s announced that the free world can enjoy its long anticipated breakfast food. All. Damn. Day. Yes, McDonald’s listened to the pleas of breakfast lovers all over the world and taken into account those of us who can’t be bothered to wake up before noon on weekends by creating their all day breakfast menu.
Before this revelation, McDonald’s stopped serving breakfast at 10:30 am since egg and hamburger patties apparently need to be cooked at two different temperatures. It simply wasn’t economical to keep a separate griddle running for eggs. But since then, the big wigs at Mickey D’s have come to their senses in order to give the people what they want.
So what might a college student like myself do with this information (read: invitation)? How about eat McDonald’s for an entire weekend straight for the same reason others might run a marathon or take organic chemistry — to challenge myself.
And I am not one to turn down a challenge.
Day 1 Breakfast: Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit
Photo by Georgi Carbone-Wynne
To be honest, I initially rolled up to McDonald’s with an egg McMuffin in mind but was confronted by the fact that the all day breakfast menu is limited to a small selection that varies by location. Being in North Carolina, that variation means that every sandwich is served on a biscuit, hence my bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. This was the beginning of the end.
Day 1 Lunch: Sausage Biscuit
Photo by Georgi Carbone-Wynne
A little redundant, sure. But this is America and we do what we want, including getting a breakfast sandwich at godforsaken hours. At this point, meat sweats have become apparent.
Day 1 Dinner: …
Photo courtesy of viralscape.com
One hasn’t truly experienced the feeling of bottoming out until they’ve driven to a closed McDonald’s and had the employees watch you circle the dark drive-thru to peer inside, then drive away.
Day 2 Breakfast: Fruit ‘N Yogurt Parfait
Photo by Georgi Carbone-Wynne
After sleeping off the residual embarrassment, my body craves something that isn’t yellow, brown, or orange. To my remiss, this “real fun” parfait (smh) is actually about as tall as my thumb but the bigger concern is that they’ve begun to recognize my voice at the drive-thru.
Day 2 Lunch: Hotcakes and Sausage Platter 1
Photo by Georgi Carbone-Wynne
While distracted by everything that had to go wrong in my life to lead me up to this point, I accidentally ordered three platters of hotcakes and sausage instead of one platter of three hotcakes and sausage. But what is research if not a chance to learn from one’s mistakes?
Day 2 Dinner: Hotcakes and Sausage Platter 2
Friends and family seem to be repulsed by the pursuit of this All Day Breakfast binge. In second trial, one should refrain from it’s advertisement.
Day 3 Breakfast: Hotcakes and Sausage Platter 3
Day old McDonald’s pancakes are excellent at absorbing tears.
Day 3 Lunch: Sausage Burrito with Mild Picante Sauce and Hash Brown
Photo by Georgi Carbone-Wynne
The end is nigh. My blood feels like the consistency of cream cheese. Will my body recover from this? I can’t say.
Day 3 Dinner: Fruit & Maple Oatmeal
Photo by Georgi Carbone-Wynne
The employees have slipped a fry cook application into my to-go bag as we’re on a first name basis. I thank every deity that lets me live through this but I leave knowing that McDonald’s all day breakfast has defeated me.
At the end of the day, I can only hope that the I’ve left my mark on all those willing to attempt the McDonald’s all day breakfast menu challenge as I know that it has left a mark on my waist size. I feel like I need a three day long nap and a three day long juice cleanse to make up for this abomination of health.
I don’t recommend the McDonald’s all day breakfast as a lifestyle for anyone else because my body did not thank me for it. This experiment may not win me a Nobel Prize, but I do believe that the scientific community has been strengthened by this jaunt.