Ah, first dates. Some of us have been on more of these than others, but we all know that there’s nothing worse than a first dinner date. There are so many thoughts that run through your head all night that it’s nearly impossible to enjoy yourself.
Do you go to the basic route and get a salad? Or do you try and show him you’re laid back and cool with a burger and fries? But what if your breath smells bad after your meal? Do you have mints in your purse? Why did you agree to this date in the first place? Is there a back exit in the kitchen you can escape out of?
Now while I’d much rather be laying in bed safely snuggling with Taco Bell while I binge-watch the new House of Cards season, sometimes you have to treat yo-self and just say yes to the dreaded dinner date… that is if the stars align and someone actually asks you out. I mean, at the end of the day, you just got a free meal. Cheers to that.
1. “Hahaha, who the hell is crazy enough to ask me out on a date in the first place?”
No really? You asked me? To go out to dinner? Not the girl behind me? You sure?
2. “I. AM GOING. ON A DATE. ME. I am a wonderful specimen. I deserve the world and more. Everyone, bow down.”
Yeah that’s right. You heard it here first.
3. “I just ordered a glass of wine and he got an iced tea. I can already see some lifestyle differences arising.”
I ordered a glass… But now I need a bottle.
4. “My mind is saying order a salad.”
I want to be fit and flirty but I simply am not fit and flirty. How long can I keep this one fooled?
5. “I’m getting a damn steak.”
‘Cause baby I’m worth it.
6. “When will this dinner end?”
LOL I really don’t care about your cat, your Uncle Steve, or your gluten allergy. You can get the check now.
7. “Who cares if he doesn’t call back? I’m a broke bitch who just got herself a free meal!”
I should really go on dates more often.