Being an adult is awesome. You have no bedtime, you can eat ice cream for every meal if you want to, and you can finally appreciate the words “18 and over.” But sometimes having bills to pay and finals to study for and doctor’s appointments to make (because that involves making an actual phone call, and who can be bothered?) becomes exhausting. When you just need a break from reality to pretend that you’re seven years old again, here are the best Melbourne brunch spots to cure your adult blues.
Dippy Eggs and Soldiers at Stepping Stone
Okay, I know dippy eggs and soldiers is possibly one of the most low-maintenance breakfasts you can make—I mean, you literally just soft boil some eggs and put bread in the toaster. But when you make them at home, do they come served in cute, colourful egg cartons with four other toppings, including bacon and avocado? I didn’t think so. And where’s the fun when you have to cook for yourself, anyway?! Stepping Stone in South Yarra has tons of delicious menu options, but these dippy eggs and soldiers take the cake.
MegaShakes at Sugar Buns
You’re a grown up with responsibilities and common sense and good judgment (most of the time). So if you want to order a giant milkshake topped with every lolly imaginable for breakfast—dammit, you order that milkshake! My eight-year-old self is squealing at these MegaShakes served up by Sugar Buns in Hampton Park.
They have eight different flavors to choose from, ranging from Nutella to Candy Land (pictured above) to Strawberry Shortcake, with four of them available dairy-free, and all of them stuffed full with all the goodies your mum never let you eat.
Decorate-a-Cupcake at Crafternoon
A café that lets you decorate your own cupcake? And then eat that cupcake?! Sign me the hell up. This café in Brunswick is the ultimate kid destination: it boasts a food and drinks menu plus an awesome “make menu”—a menu of different arts ‘n’ crafts to work on while you enjoy your meal. It caters for kids and adults, both food-wise and craft-wise.
Brioche Fairy Bread French Toast at Jethro Canteen
Yes, really. Two of the best guilty pleasures combined. It’s like the glorious lovechild of a kid’s birthday party planner and a breakfast chef. This dish can be found at Jethro Canteen in Richmond, and I can be found digging into it face first.
Buttermilk TimTam Pancakes from Long Story Short
If I’m being honest, I really think that Long Story Short deserves its own article instead of just a mention (stay tuned, perhaps?). This is the home of insane desserts that would blow any 10-year-old’s (or 20-year-old’s, or 30-year-old’s) mind, such as the fairy floss dessert burger and the golden birthday sphere.
If you’re craving something a tad more breakfast-friendly, then their buttermilk TimTam pancakes are the way to go. Two fluffy pancakes are topped with vanilla peanuts, TimTam gelato, and chocolate mascarpone, and are available at both the Brunswick and the Port Melbourne locations.
Lamington Jaffles at Bad Frankie
Literally a lamington in the form of a jaffle served with a side of vanilla cream. I really think that’s all I need to say to sell you on this one. Bad Frankie also specialises in cocktails—I mean, being an adult isn’t all bad, after all.