Juicing has caught the foodie world by storm this year. Whether it’s fruit, veggie, or a mix of both, you can bet there is someone within a five mile radius drinking up their vitamins rather than eating them. Even beyond that, there is a newfound popularity in abandoning all food in favor of the “juice cleanse.”
While these cleanses come in a variety of lengths and types, some are better for you than others. Whether it’s for a day or a week, people have traded in their utensils for a straw.
As a veteran of a juice cleanse, I am able to divulge with you the five painful stages of a two day juice cleanse. I did the Arden’s Garden 2-Day Detox, one that promises to cleanse, rejuvenate and detoxify your body, all for the price of $40. Each day you drink a gallon of the citrus juice blend and completely fast from all foods.
Stage 1: Determination
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For whatever reason, you have decided to put yourself through the painful experience that is the juice cleanse. The first day hasn’t even started, but you’re ready.
Yeah, it’s way too expensive, but it really doesn’t even matter since you’re gonna be so skinny after this, right? And anyone can give up food for a couple of days. Celebrities do it all the time and so can you!!
Stage 2: False sense of self confidence
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Well, the description made it sound more like a smoothie. But no pain, no gain right? You are in control. Plus, you don’t even have to workout! You probably lost at least three pounds by now.
Stage 3: Reality sets in
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You are only halfway through the first day and you are seriously beginning to rethink your life choices. The only thing motivating you is really just the thought of how much money you spent on this. You fall asleep looking at food instagrams and have a very vivid dream about bagel sandwiches.
Stage 4: Starvation mode
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Who are you kidding, this shit tastes like dirt. Kate Moss was wrong; everything and anything tastes just as good as skinny feels. Not that you would ever tell anyone else that. All you’ve been able to talk about for the past two days is how awake, rejuvenated and detoxified you feel! Your friends could probably argue narcism too.
Stage 5: DONE
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It is 6 am and you are up and ready to eat breakfast for at least an hour. You have thought about this exact moment for the past two days. You definitely lost at least five pounds and cleansed your entire body, so why not splurge? Plus, your diet starts tomorrow. So eat that double cheeseburger and milkshake. Your body is in starvation mode.
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