Any college student will tell you that freshmen and dorm kitchens don’t end well. Book smarts can’t even save someone new to “adulting” from nearly exploding the microwave or melting plastic on the stove top. After asking around our own campus, I’ve discovered the true dorm kitchen horror stories of UF.
1. Chef or Impasta?
From our very own Jennings Hall, one student’s spaghetti dinner went very, very wrong. Mistakenly calculating the proportion of noodles to the size of the drainer, this person ended up with a sink full of noodles and an empty stomach.
2. Not So Easy Mac
Jennings Hall strikes again. In a 2 a.m. drunk attempt to microwave Easy Mac, one student confessed that they forgot to add water and instead created a heap of burnt plastic. The kitchen reeked of smoke for two weeks; no wonder they call it the Dirty J.
3. Cookie Monster
It must run in the neighborhood. Just steps away in Beaty Towers, one student scorched her Toll House cookies so badly that the fire alarm for both towers went off, and the elevator was shut down for hours.
4. Lounge Lovers
Shout out to Simpson Hall for this bleach-able moment. One student, describing the incident as “awkward af,” had to skip a late-night snack after walking in on a couple getting busy on the kitchen table.
5. OK, Hume Did It?
One student in Hume, too lazy to walk the long, winding path to the kitchen, confessed making a cutting board out of a dorm desk. While slicing an apple, the knife slipped, and they nearly cut off two fingers.
6. My Bubbles
Choosing to keep the specific dorm anonymous, one resident apologizes for mistaking Softsoap for dish soap and turning the kitchen into a water park.
7. In-House Chef
Another student who refused the trek to the kitchen decided to fire up a hot skillet in their room. It may have melted the counter top and set off the fire alarm, but hey, “The tacos came out good.” Worth it.
8. Gone Dumpster Diving
Beware Graham Hall residents—one student reports another angry student dumping dishes that had been left in the kitchen too long, including their own roommates’ dishes. Suit up, you’re going dumpster diving.
9. Butchered Buns
Murphree did it. While innocently trying to whip up a batch of cinnamon buns, one student burnt them so badly the whole building had to evacuate.
10. Veggie Tales
Bob and Larry felt the burn. After trying to bake some vegetables with olive oil, one student set the oven on fire and was sentenced to enroll in fire safety class.
Shout out to all you culinary geniuses—keep up the good work and go Gators.