I don’t like pizza. I never have and probably never will. The excessive grease and sheer quantity of cheese is off-putting, and it makes me nauseous. While I am able to appreciate the occasional slice, pizza will never be a staple in my diet. However, some people’s reactions to my dislike of pizza just boggle my mind.
1. People freak out.
I’ve noticed that most people have never met someone who is not a fan of pizza. Everyone flips out and looks at me as if I committed murder. Someone even told me they couldn’t be friends with me anymore. Most frequently, I hear: “You’re Italian? How could you not like pizza?!”
2. You piss off your parents and friends.
All they wanted was to order some pizza and have a simple dinner. But nope, I’m here. My freshman year roomie probably wishes I had contributed to her midnight Domino’s order more often.
3. You get a lot more adventurous.
That weird chicken dish you were afraid to try when you had a meal plan? I ate it. Not that bad, actually. The usual go-to slice of pizza for lunch obviously didn’t work for me, so I had to try the sketchier side of college life.
4. People think you’re really healthy.
Yeah… no. I still want French fries more often than not, and I definitely ate Taco Bell at midnight already this semester. Pizza is just one specific food I leave out of my diet. Don’t worry, I’ll still order Midnight Cookies with you.
5. You aren’t tempted to go to random club meetings.
Almost every time, the free food is pizza. I can’t make myself sit through a chemistry club meeting just for that. Nope, not worth it. However, I do know that when I want to go to an on-campus function, I am actually interested in what I am attending.
6. I can’t relate.
I really don’t get the craving for late-night pizza, and refuse to join the debate on whether or not pineapple belongs on it. The culture surrounding pizza is lost on me. There really are times I’d like to lead the drunken march to pizza. Unfortunately, pizza just isn’t my drunk food of choice.
Pizza has America’s heart. I know that I will never be able to fully avoid it in this food culture. But I (and my fellow non-pizza partakers) have since learned to steer the conversation away from our food preferences and onto something else, like a video of babies being fed lemons.