Federal Donuts is a Philadelphia staple with some of the tastiest treats in the city. But, how many times have you walked in, unsure of what to order? Trust me, it’s a dilemma we all face now and again. But have no fear – Penn Spoon is here to help. For your convenience, we have taste-tested and ranked all the current donut flavors to make your next trip to Federal just a little bit easier – and maybe even a little bit sweeter.
We ranked each flavor based on the following criteria:
1. Creativity
2. Taste
3. Predicted likes on Instagram (AKA Appearance)
In addition, Federal Donuts offers two types of donuts: 1. Hot Fresh Donuts and 2. Fancy Donuts. Obviously, we had to try them all.
Hot Fresh Donuts
Photo by Sarah Pilger
These are your classic donuts. Although the creativity factor may not be as high as the others, it doesn’t mean they aren’t worth your time or calories.
Vanilla Spice
Photo by Sarah Pilger
Creativity: 4/10
Taste: 6/10
Predicted Likes: Sub 100 (5/10)
While this donut tasted great, it just wasn’t a stand out at Federal. It’s a classic flavor that you can get elsewhere, and unless you’re an Instagram prodigy, we predict this basic donut will get you just under 100 likes.
Cinnamon Sugar
Photo by Sarah Pilger
Creativity: 1/10
Taste: 7/10
Predicted Likes: 105 (6/10)
Another classic donut, probably the most classic you could get. So, for that, we have to rank this donut very low on the creativity scale. But, the taste is pretty great for a cinnamon sugar, and even though it might be a cliché picture, we think you could get at least 105 likes.
Strawberry Lavender
Photo by Sarah Pilger
Creativity: 6/10
Taste: 5/10
Predicted Likes: 150+ (8/10)
Because Strawberry Lavender is hardly an ordinary flavor, this donut had to rank pretty high on the creativity scale. The taste, on the other hand, is good, but a little confusing for a sugared donut. On the bright side, it’s so beautiful it could definitely get you well above 150 likes, even without a filter.
Fancy Donuts
Photo by Rebecca Li
AKA the reason you go to Federal Donuts in the first place.
Mighty Quinn (Black and White)
Photo by Rebecca Li
Creativity: 8/10
Taste: 7/10
Predicted Likes: 150+ (8/10)
Think black and white cookie, but a donut. So, yeah, amazing. Not only does this donut have the power to increase your Insta-popularity, but it also tastes like multiple desserts rolled into one. Win-win!
Lemon Merengue
Photo by Rebecca Li
Creativity: 9/10
Taste: 9/10
Predicted Likes: 200+ (10/10)
Maybe one of the most beautiful donuts we’ve ever seen. Guaranteed to get likes from pretty much every follower you have, this donut is worth every penny and calorie you can spare. Definitely a crowd favorite for us at Penn Spoon.
Butter Pecan
Photo by Rebecca Li
Creativity: 9/10
Taste: 7/10
Predicted Likes: 150+ (8/10)
It’s pretty to look at, that’s for sure, but it’s an acquired taste. If you don’t like butter pecan, don’t expect to like this. However, if you do, expect to LOVE this – those of us who like maple donuts adored this one. 150 likes, for sure.
Guava Poppy
Photo by Rebecca Li
Creativity: 10/10
Taste: 6/10
Predicted Likes: Sub 80 (3/10)
Have you ever heard of a guava poppy donut? Yeah, neither have we, so 10/10 for creativity. Sadly, the taste and appearance just don’t match up. It’s another acquired-taste treat and you’ll most likely be hovering around the awkward 68-79 like range. That is, unless you’re great at editing and superior at cultivating clever captions.
Old Fashioned
Photo by Rebecca Li
Creativity: 1/10
Taste: 6/10
Predicted Likes: Sub 90 (4/10)
Old Fashioned: the name says it all. This is another classic donut that you can get practically anywhere. And that’s the thing, we’ve decided that for Federal standards, this just doesn’t hold up. It could definitely look and taste better; it was underwhelming at best. But, since Instagram is obsessed with making things look old fashioned, maybe you could get by and call this “vintage” to get a few more likes, but we think you’ll be lucky if you even get to 85.
Chocolate Eclair
Photo by Rebecca Li
Creativity: 7/10
Taste: 10/10
Predicted Likes: 105 (6/10)
We love this donut because it’s pretty much a chocolate-lovers dream. It is definitely more of a cake donut, but that’s no reason not to eat it. It’s super creative, tasty and reminds us of those chocolate eclair popsicles we used to eat in elementary school (bonus points for nostalgia!). Sadly, we could only give it a 6/10 on the appearance scale. We predict 105 likes, but if your followers could taste your picture instead of just look at it, you would get so many more.
Whatever flavor (or flavors, we’re not judging) you choose to splurge on, make sure you upload a picture and tag us at @spoon_upenn!