Flashback to junior year of high school; I was juggling Frankenstein, and college apps, and, of course, AP US history—or APUSH, as all of my friends called it. I hated that acronym almost as much as I hated the class itself. Even the mention of the exam evoked an indescribable disgust from the back of my throat, and my apathy didn’t pass, even though the calendar months did.
As the test neared, I frantically looked up crash courses and study guides—anything that offered even a glimmer of knowledge. I was complaining to a friend, in typical me-fashion, when she suggested it—Drunk History.
I should note that she didn’t suggest it as a form of studying, but of course, I went there. For the weeks leading up to the exam, I would watch a few episodes, then a few more, and watch them again—it got to the point where I yelled at people to shut up when we neared an exciting part.
Needless to say, I was pretty much an expert on drunken history. Sober history? Eh… not so much.
So, one weekend not too long ago, a five-foot-one writer (AKA me) grabbed her friends, her laptop, and her bottle of Smirnoff, and sat down to learn some history. If you find yourself in a similar predicament, be sure to play this drinking game.
Rules
We all know the actor/actress in the scene: Shot
The narrator loses track of the story: Shot
A wild pet appears: Shot
Curses? Take a sip
Someone throws up: Shot
Derek Waters plays a role in the story: Shot
Narrator drinks: Don’t stop drinking until they do
Someone in the group happens to be from the area or has visited an area mentioned: Shot
Very intoxicated patron at bar: Shot
The narrator ends up on the floor: SHOT
Results
We started with the first episode. Thankfully, none of us have been to D.C., because we’re uncultured and unpatriotic and terrible, so no shots yet. Within about thirty seconds, though, someone cussed. That was a sip, and that was also when we realized we may have placed too much confidence in our ability to hold down alcohol.
1:51—He got the year wrong. Does that count as losing the story? Probably. Shots.
2:30—The cutest, fluffiest cat just showed up. This deserves a toast. Shots.
3:25—Derek Waters! What’s he doing here? Wait, does he host the show? Wait, no way. Wow. Confused shots.
4:52—No, no don’t throw up, no, please no—damn it Matt. That’s another shot.
7:00—Matt is eating cookies. I’m eating Oreos. God, we have so much in common.
7:50—Wow that’s like, the actual Abraham. (I proceeded to call on of my friends “Actual Abe” for most of the night.)
8:00—Does the curse count if it’s in the preview? We ponder this while taking sips.
8:30—That was like, four swears in a row. We decided to just down the shot. Everyone hates me.
11:55—Welp, they’re on the floor. So are we, actually. Hm. Maybe the knowledge is more concentrated down here. Intellectual shots.
20:30—I have so many questions. Suddenly, that two on the AP US History exam is making an odd amount of sense.
Basically, we made it through one episode before deciding to stop drinking. However, we did apparently continue watching the show because Amazon says we stopped in the middle of episode four. I like to think we absorbed the knowledge. Somehow.
Make sure to stay hydrated, loves. Derek learned the importance of hydration the hard way. Heres’ what you’ll need to cure that hangover you’ll definitely have in the morning.