January’s almost done, and if you’re like me, you’ve probably broken your new year’s resolution. Even if you haven’t, you deserve a break. And there’s no better way to say “fuck it” to healthy food and the gym than by eating while watching a show about eating.
Whether you watch Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives ironically — Guy Fieri wears his sunglasses BACKWARDS for fuck’s sake — or watch it for the food porn, you’re bound to have a good time when playing this drinking game. I highly suggest playing this game with a few people and also suggest wearing your best “eating pants.” In the words of the distinguished Mr. Fieri, “You’re takin’ the gobble full throttle!”
Step 1: Acquire some alcohol and some really, really unhealthy food
Some delectable pairings include:
Vodka and Fried Chicken
Jack Daniels and Pizza
Step 2: Acquire some Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives
Ever since Netflix decided to get rid of its Food Network shows, this step has become a bit tougher. Luckily, the internet has the answer to everything. Onwatchseries (use Gorillavid or vidto.me) has links for almost every episode.
If you’re picky about ratings, Graph TV is a helpful website. If you’re not picky, I suggest choosing anything with “meat” in the title if you want A+ food porn and either “Righteous Bites” or “Flavortown Faves” if you want to get really drunk.
Step 3: Start Playing
FINISH YOUR DRINK:
1) Every time Guy describes an item as “righteous” or “gangsta.”
2) Any time he says, “Holy Moley!”
3) If, by good fortune, the following quotes come up:
“Peace, love, taco grease.”
“I’m driving the bus to Flavortown.”
“Short of screaming hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids, too!”
(For a longer list, check out shitguyfierisays, AKA the only pure thing left in this world.)
TAKE A SIP
1) When he eats:
Warning: HE EATS A LOT. For a fun time, take a bite of food every time he takes a bite of food, and take a sip every time he tastes a new item. So, if he takes 8 bites of a cheeseburger, you only need to drink once, but you need to take 8 bites of food.
2) If someone says, “That’s all she wrote” in reference to a grandma or mother’s recipe…
Apparently if you make it onto Triple D, you have to feature a recipe from your grandmother? This rule was made once my friend pointed out that in the 2 episodes we’d watched, the restaurant owners had uttered this phrase three times. If so, then it’s only right that we should drink in honor of Grandma…
TAKE A SHOT
1) If Guy says, “FLAVORTOWN!”
Maybe if you’re drunk enough, you’ll understand the inner workings of Guy Fieri and the genius that Flavortown is. It’s worth a try.
2) If he says, “Holy [delicious food], Batman!
The best Guy Fieri quote of them all.
With these guidelines, you’ll be rolling out and on your way to Flavortown.
FOR A PREGAME
Watch this video and drink every time you feel both sad and hungry: