Starbucks—the place where you can go to find your special drink. College—the place where you can go to figure your s#*t out, and maybe find a special someone.
Even though at Starbucks, we try to find our own personal order like a “Triple Shot Latte Add Whip and Two Pumps of Vanilla With Soy Milk Iced with Light Ice,” we often end up just getting a Pumpkin Spice Latte like the rest of them. Just as Starbucks drinks can inevitably be basic and predictable, so can college boys.
The Frat Boy — Frappuccino
A classic. The drink you usually feel guilty about going for, but it always ends up in your hand. So good, yet, not so much. Is it worth the calories and regrets in the end? Probably not. Will you choose this drink again? Probably.
The Confused Boy — Mocha
A mix of flavors. Is it going to be sweet like a dessert or just bitter like coffee? Unpredictable. Even the drink itself doesn’t know what it is. Some sips are more sweet whereas in others, you see the true colors. The mocha is just another coffee drink like any other, and nothing more.
The Obsessive Boy — Passion Fruit Iced Tea Lemonade
This drink is like SO first semester freshman year. Yet, you can’t seem to get rid of it. The drink is everywhere, all the time, and never leaves you alone. Sometimes, you just gotta drink it. When you do though, expect it to keep coming back.
The 2 am Boy — Espresso
A shot of espresso is not preferred, and only used when necessary. No matter where you go, espresso is always available. So when do you choose to drink it? Only when you need a quick pick-me-up. It’s tempting at 2am when you want to make the night last.
The Artsy Boy — Chai Latte
Oh, chai. A great drink option, but you must be in the mood for something with that unique taste. If you’re craving a blend of complexity and depth, the flavors of a chai latte are for you. You’re definitely guaranteed a distinct and special experience with this drink.
The Friend-Zoned Boy — Green Tea
This is the drink your mom always tells you to choose. But, while green tea is good for you, it’s sadly not your first choice. Unfortunately, the mediocre tasting flavor bag is not enough to make the cup of hot water worth choosing. This drink will always be there for you when you need it, but you will never go out of your way to have it.
The Genuine Nice Boy — Black Coffee
How often do you hear your friends say, “Wow, I could really go for a cup of black coffee right now”? Only when all other drinks have failed them, and they just want simplicity. Plain black coffee is a rare order, but the healthiest and purest.
College is tough. Dating in college is tougher. But luckily, unlike boys, Starbucks drinks never seem to fail us.