Ron Swanson is like any other college student. He loves breakfast food and disagrees with the government. The way Ron goes through life not giving any care as to what people think and making every decision on his own terms is admirable to any young person still finding their place in this world.
So it’s no surprise then that yet again, we can relate to good ol’ Mr. Swanson to successfully depict a typical night out at college. Please enjoy with a smooth glass of whiskey and a full plate of meat.
1. You realize it’s the weekend.
So long 8 am classes, ta ta library cubicles. Tonight there are no responsibilities, no homework, and no ragrets.
2. Deciding what parties to attend.
Your friends debate starting at the kegger for the club rugby team or one of the three 21st birthday parties going on. You personally don’t care because, well, alcohol.
#SpoonTip: Bring these shots for an extra festive treat, but please drink responsibly! Spoon U does not support binge drinking or underage drinking.
3. Picking out your outfit.
It took you throwing all of the contents of your closet onto the floor for you to just decide on the same top you wear every weekend.
4. Picking your poison.
Your friends debate making mixed drinks or just shots. You quickly assure them they can do no wrong.
5. Commence the pregame.
Open up the champagne (this is college, we mean Natty Light)…POP. If you’re not playing these drinking games, you’re doing it wrong.
6. Preparing for the commute to the first party.
The first party is on the opposite side of campus, it’s 30 degrees, and your beer jacket isn’t quite on yet. Another round of shots, anybody?
7. Turning up the romance.
Your friend is too nervous to talk to the cute guy in her psych class so you give her some advice. Just do it, already!
8. Rating the party.
Tbh, fewer randos and more chips at every party is always the ideal situation.
#SpoonTip: Bring your own snacks to amp up any party you go to.
9. More of your friends finally arrive.
The excitement is so high you might as well be reuniting after months apart, even if it was only after 20 minutes. “OMG Hi!!!”
10. Ending up in an uncomfortable conversation.
It all happened so fast. What was an innocent conversation about cafeteria food with an acquaintance turned into a monologue about somebody’s ex or worse… Trump.
11. Your favorite song comes on.
Shake your groove thang, shake your groove thang, YEAH YEAH.
12. Slipping on a pool of cheap beer.
You went a little too hard on the dance floor, but can they blame you when your jam is on? Also, who put that beer there? Everyone swarms around you, which causes way more of a scene than necessary.
13. Finally looking in the mirror and looking something like this…
You really don’t realize how drunk you are until you’re in the bathroom looking at yourself in the mirror. Horrified, you wonder if you actually looked like this the whole night.
14. One of your friends starts to drunk text.
Loose fingers can be either be perfectly harmless (and hilarious) or detrimental for everyone involved. Keep an eye on your friends’ phones.
15. You promptly put an end to the situation.
Most likely, it’s necessary to confiscate their phone because there is no reason for anybody to text their grandma about how much they love the socks she sent them for their birthday at 2 am.
16. The drunchies begin to kick in.
One can only party so long before it is time to refuel. Drunchies are a menace.
17. Entering your favorite late night eatery like you own the place.
You’ve done this once or twice before and you are certainly not messing around. They know you here, anyways.
18. Waking up the next morning.
Is my bed moving? Oh, just my head? OK.
19. Hydrating.
Making sure you get plenty of water is key for any hangover. On the other hand, you can have a mimosa or Bloody Mary for some hair of the dog after a bit of rallying. But you should be warned that this won’t actually help you recover in any way shape or form.
20. Seeing the photos from last night.
Your friends do not miss a beat when it comes to posting on social media. Everything you thought was flattering last night has a more troll-like feature that no amount of filters could fix.
21. Recapping the night with your friends.
You may wince at some of the stories they’re sharing, but you wouldn’t change the night for anything.