Breakups are the absolute worst. No matter if you’re the dumper, dumpee, or it was mutual, they completely suck. What sucks more is that there are common cures for colds, broken legs and headaches, but there’s no cure for heartbreak.
Having gone through it myself, and also having tons of friends and family members go through it, I decided to create my own guide to curing heartbreak. While the saying is true that time heals everything, there are definitely steps you can take to feel better and help the process along.
Grieve the relationship.
It’s essential to take time to grieve the end of a relationship. A major part of your life is coming to an end and of course that really hurts. So give yourself adequate time to cry, yell, punch some pillows, burn pictures, whatever you want! But give yourself a time limit. I like to stick to 72 hours of grieving and then it’s time to pick up, and go on.
Give yourself a break and unplug.
While the world won’t stop spinning around you, you’ve gone through something traumatic and very painful. Take the appropriate time to just have a bit of a break. Call in sick from work or skip a few classes. Put off your homework or exercise classes for a week. I found it very helpful to deactivate my social media accounts for a month, and I would strongly recommend it. Then, put some lipstick on and get out there!
Repeat positive mantras.
On day one of the breakup, tell yourself that this is the worst you’ll ever feel. You will continue to feel a teeny tiny bit better every day, even if it doesn’t seem like it at first. So while it sucks, know deep down that it will improve.
Do NOT contact your ex!
For some people, this is very hard. I totally get the struggle but you need to COMMIT to at least 30 days of absolutely no contact. Do not text them or reply if they text you, do not look at their snapchat stories or Instagram stories or anything. You need to go silent. How will you ever get over your ex if you continue to speak with them? Spoiler: you won’t. Seriously, do at least 30 days. I guarantee you at the 30 day mark, your urge to text them will have gone away.
Remove memory triggers.
Take anything your ex ever gave you or anything that reminds you of them and put it in a box. You don’t need to throw it away, but keep it somewhere hidden for a while.
Get out into the world!
After you take some time to grieve your relationship, you need to get out into the world. I’m not saying it won’t still hurt, because it will. You will miss them and you will still be sad, but the best help is to go out into the world. This is the time to cultivate deeper friendships. Turn to your close friends and family and ask for help.
I found that the best cure is staying busy and having fun. Force yourself to look nice because looking good on the outside leads to feeling good on the inside. Try and get yourself out there: go to parties or to dinner, or just have a night in with your friends. Time will start to go by faster and you’ll realize that even without a relationship, you have amazing friends who care about you.
Focus on you.
Chances are, in your relationship you had to deal with some level of sacrifice or compromise. Take this time to be selfish. Do things to make you feel good. Go shopping, get your nails done, go to the gym for that #RevengeBody. Eat healthy! Get a new piercing! Do whatever you want; this is finally your time. There are so many perks to being independent and being single, especially in your youth.
Rebound if you want but don’t jump into a relationship.
Listen, I know most people tell you not to have a rebound relationship, and while I agree that a full-on relationship is probably not a good idea, I fully support a rebound fling. Sometimes it’s true, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. As long as you aren’t jumping into a new relationship, there’s nothing wrong with having some healthy fun to take your mind off things. Bad advice? Maybe. Does it work? Absolutely.
Make a break-up playlist.
No, do not make a sad tear-jerker one. Make a girl-power, angry one! I linked mine so you have a good place to start. Listen to it on repeat whenever you can. If you start to feel sad, listen to it.
Reflect on your relationship.
When we go through breakups, we tend to see the relationship through rose-coloured glasses. We see all the great times and forget about the bad ones. This is the time to do the opposite! Make a list of absolutely everything that annoyed you about your ex and your relationship. You’ll come to realize that if you can list so many things that bothered you, it’s not really a relationship you want to be in. Realize what you learned through this relationship and tell yourself that someone more suited to you will come along.
Remember people are built to move on.
One of my best friends gave me my favourite piece of advice. She told me that as humans, we are biologically made to move on. At some point, everybody goes through a break-up or some kind of loss, and everybody moves on. Ask your family members or friends to share their breakup stories. Google celebrity breakup quotes. You’ll realize this is a universal experience and everyone gets through it.
Write about your feelings.
Keep a journal about how you’re feeling to get all those negative emotions out. Write a letter to your ex that you’ll never send. Make video diaries for yourself that start with “it’s been X days since the breakup and I feel…” and talk through it. I promise one day, you’ll read the entries or watch the video and be in a much better place.
Fake it till you make it.
It’s cliché, but it works. Fake it like you’re happy and moved-on, and eventually, it’ll happen. Forcing yourself to smile actually does help!
Proceed very cautiously if your ex contacts you.
I don’t know why this is a thing, but it seems like once your ex senses you’re happier, they decide to pop back in. My advice is to be extremely wary. Unless you broke up for an extenuating circumstance (long-distance, one partner going through a difficult phase, bad timing, etc.) there is a reason you broke up and that reason probably still exists. You don’t owe your ex a response or a friendship. You don’t owe them a thing.
Time heals all.
Most importantly, time heals everything. I know it doesn’t feel like it will, but it will! One day, you’ll realize it’s been 3 months and you have a much better perspective on the situation. Just give it the proper time and you’ll move forward. In the process, you’ll become a stronger and better version of yourself.
I hope this guide was what you needed to read right now. Remember: it will get better! We all go through it and no, you won’t be #ForeverAlone. You’ll look back on this in the future and laugh at how dramatic you were (or maybe it’s just me who’s super dramatic) and you’ll be better for it. As cliché as it is, everything does happen for a reason.