Movies and television have made the idea of having sex in unconventional places seem enticing and exciting. Celebrities talk about joining the ‘Mile High’ club like it’s a badge of honour. While there are plenty of safe and fun places to have sex over Spring Break (your hotel room, for example) there are also many places you should definitely avoid.
1. The Beach
As romantic as beach sex has been made to look by countless movies, it’s actually terrible for you. You get sand in places you really don’t want it, and there’s nothing sexy about that. There’s a total lack of privacy and there are likely to be children at the beach. Not to mention that you probably didn’t put sunscreen on your private bits, so expect those to get burned.
As if you need another reason? Bugs. Flies, fleas, bees and more. Do you want that in your business? I don’t think so.
2. The Airplane Washroom
Many people have “joining the Mile High club” on their bucket list, but for everyone’s sake, don’t have sex in the airplane washroom. Not only is it illegal, but airline washrooms are not the cleanest. With roughly one restroom for 50 passengers, they’re one of the germiest places on a plane and a breeding ground for bacteria like E. coli. Plus, sex in such a tiny space probably wouldn’t be very good anyway. Save yourself the trouble.
3. The Pool
I know in theory this sounds sexy, but here’s a mood killer for you: pool water contains chlorine, which could irritate your privates. For you ladies, it can disrupt the natural pH balance in your nether regions, leading to a yeast infection.
Even worse, using a condom underwater makes it more likely to break or slip off, putting you at risk of an unexpected pregnancy or STI.
4. The Ocean
Maybe you’re thinking, “Hey! The ocean doesn’t have chlorine! It must be safe!” Sorry to break it to you, but that isn’t the case. Lake, river, ocean and pond water all contain bacteria that, once introduced to your privates (especially for ladies), can put you at risk for infections.
5. The Hot Tub
Now you may be thinking, “Okay, so no pool, no ocean, but what about the hot tub?!” Sorry, that one is also a no. Hot tubs, while not as chlorinated as pools, are teeming with all sorts of germs. You know that old man you saw in it earlier? His bacteria is still hanging around. Same for literally every person you saw in the hot tub before you. Just don’t.
6. The Hotel Elevator
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels (pun intended). First of all, they’re heavily populated areas. Even if no one is in the elevator when you get on, chances are somebody will get on at some point, and you won’t be able to cover up quickly enough.
Also, like, you’re already on the elevator? Just wait until you get to your room. Pull a subtle Fifty Shades of Grey move if you must.
7. Your Balcony
Haven’t you heard those stories of people dying because they accidentally stumbled off their balcony? In an intense moment of passion—such as during sex—it’s easy to lose your footing. Also, once again, bugs. You’re still outside, you know. And by the way? People can see you.
8. The Hotel Room Floor
Maybe after this long list, you’re thinking the most adventurous you can get is having sex on your hotel room floor. Sorry to ruin hotel rooms forever, but many studies have been done showing just how dirty hotel rooms truly are. Having sex on the hotel room floor makes you vulnerable to dirt, mold, and other germs. Take it to the bed and vow to have sex on your clean bedroom floor at home.
Have as much (safe) sex as you want on the bed, but avoid having sex over spring break in the places named above. Stick to your clean bedrooms and find other ways to be adventurous in bed, if that’s what your heart desires.