Dear you,
Standing in the mirror the other day, you found something that you wished you could change. Maybe it was the freckle you have on your left thigh, or the size of your biceps. Maybe you wish that you had abs that were more defined or you wish your hair was straighter.
There’s something about the way that we, as humans, are formed. We are born the way that we are and we should accept that and love ourselves for it. We’re so focused on trying to change every tiny thing about ourselves that we forget the most important thing in the world — loving ourselves.
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In this day and time, looking a certain way is more ‘preferable.’ We spend more time comparing ourselves to the people around us than we spend appreciating the wonderful assets that we were all born with. Sure, my hair frizzes up on every humid day of the year — but that’s a small part of who I am as a person, so fuck anyone who tells me my hair looks shitty when it gets that way.
I will never look like Candice Swanpoel or Kayla Itsines. Not because I am incapable of eating a certain way and working out a certain way, but simply because I am not Candice or Kayla. None of us are. We are all individual souls – individual souls that should be loved by everyone around us and especially by ourselves.
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So try to change the way that you look at yourself. Don’t wish that you could look more like her or have straighter hair like the girl sitting across from you in class. There are 7.125 billion human beings in this world and I promise, not one of those human beings is exactly like you.
Stop looking at yourself as tall or short, skinny or fat, beautiful or ugly. Every single person in this world is beautiful in their own way. Never deprive yourself of something that you want. Never force yourself to skip breakfast because you want to be thinner. There are healthy ways to get stronger arms and more defined abs. There are healthy ways to lose the freshmen 15 that you might have gained.
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Instead of counting the things that you wish you could change, count the things you know you’d never want to change. That piece of cake for dessert won’t kill you – dessert is not skip-able, anyways.
Body image has gotten worse and worse in this day and time. Unfollow the people who make you feel shitty and follow people who make you feel inspired and happy. Go for a run if you want to, but don’t force yourself to do something that you’re not in the mood for. It’s okay to miss a workout, it’s okay to splurge on a couple of donuts – it’s okay and you’re okay.
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I promise you, you’re beautiful in your very own, defined way. There is no one definition of beautiful and there is no one definition of ‘fit’ or ‘skinny’ or ‘healthy.’ Your weight does not matter. The size of your jeans does not matter. What matters is whether or not you are happy with yourself.
And being happy with yourself does not mean how happy your mother is with your body, or how your boyfriend feels about your stomach in that bathing suit. Ignore your sister’s comments about your frizzy hair and flaunt what you got in whatever way you want to. Wear what makes you happy, do your makeup in what ever which way you’d like. Surround yourself around people who support you in your own happiness. Surround yourself with love and support.
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Eat the burger if you’re craving the burger. Run 5 miles if you want to run 5 miles – but if you’ve got no desire to run at all, that’s okay too. Appreciate and love yourself for the person that you are. You weren’t meant to be exactly the same as the person next to you – being normal is boring, anyways.
Whether you’re an artist or a musician or a biologist, whether you’re a male or female or American or Asian, whether you’re a straight A student or school just isn’t meant for you, whether you’re a tall redhead or a short blonde, you’re beautiful. You aren’t a Victoria’s Secret Angel, you aren’t a Disney princess. You are you – and there’s nothing more powerful and incredibly beautiful than that.
Embrace it. Make a list of the things that you love about yourself. Wear the outfit that you want to wear, not the one that everyone says ‘flatters you better.’ Keep the bathing suit no matter what anyone says about it because if you love it, that’s what matters.
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Your opinion matters most. Your view on yourself matters more than anybody else’s. When it all comes down to it, you are the most important person in your life. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.
Screw that asshole who told you that your butt was too big for those jeans or that bitch who said your outfit was too ‘slutty.’ Screw anyone who tries to put you down — they’ve just got nothing better to do.
Love yourself. You deserve to be loved, and you deserve to love yourself. Stop trying so hard to change and instead embrace the beauty that you encompass in that freckle, in that jean size, in that curvy body, in that skinny body. You are strong, you are worth it and you are worth every ounce of love in this world.
Lots of love,
A girl who has finally learned that loving herself is way less exhausting than hating herself.
P.S. It’s okay to struggle — we all do in some way or another. Just make sure that you come back stronger from it.