Man, the things we do for the aesthetic.
Even though I’m a committed black coffee drinker through and through, whenever Starbucks comes out with a trendy new drink, I’m always first in line to try it. Naturally, after hearing all the hype about the brand new Unicorn Frappuccino blowing up the internet, I had to jump on the hype train and judge it for myself.
It’s not fair to call the brand-new Unicorn Frappuccino a coffee drink, since it doesn’t contain any coffee whatsoever. Still, with the amount of sugar this thing is packing — 59 grams of sugar in a grande sized drink — the Unicorn Frappuccino is sure to give you a burst of energy. So, despite the 410 calories and, I tried the Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino so you don’t have to— it was beautifully gross.
I went to my local Starbucks Reserve, knowing that the baristas there would be more likely to make the drink with slightly more care, giving it a closer resemblance to the promotional picture used by Starbucks. I wanted to avoid ending up with some of the abominations that have since popped up on the internet.
As expected, the baristas were very careful to make the drink as precisely as possible: I even saw one barista squinting at a small piece of paper with the recipe for the drink on it (it did, after all, just drop in the last few days). They first drizzled the blue, sour syrup on the sides of the cup in a nice pattern, and then poured in the bright pink drink mixture. I must say that the levels of dye in this one worry me, but nonetheless, I was excited for my sugary treat.
After topping the drink off with a dollop of whipped cream and a dusting of pink and blue glittery sugar, it was in my hands, and I felt like I was holding a piece of art more so than a drink. I cautiously tried my first sip, and the perfect illusion of this Frap was shattered.
The Taste
The first flavor that hit me was mango, and it reminded me a bit of a mango lassi — if mango lassis were made out of artificial mango (and if I hated mango lassis).
I visibly winced at that first sip, and tried another only to get hit with a strange burst of sour. It tasted like someone had squeezed a lemon into my mouth while I drank my sugar and fake mango. I’m the kind of person that will eat slices of lemon like oranges, and I didn’t even like this sour taste.
But since I’ve heard that the flavors change as you stir the drink together, I stirred my drink and kept going, to my stomach’s dismay. Another NYU student saw me with the Unicorn Frappuccino and, as is the power of social media, shouted to me asking how it tasted. I shouted back the first thing that popped into my head, and the conclusion that I finally came to:
“It’s really weird. And sweet.”
So in the end, while my Unicorn Frappuccino made for a great Instagram and was pleasing to the eye, it really just tasted like creamy, fake, sugary mango with a bunch of crushed up sweet tarts in it. If you’re okay with paying 5 dollars for an Insta post, then go for it. If, on the other hand, you’re looking for a tasty treat, pass this one up: even if you think it tastes good, I promise you there are plenty of things that taste better with far less sugar. Your stomach will thank me later.