It’s a situation everyone who’s smoked weed has found themselves in: there you are minding you’re own business contentedly high when all of a sudden—the munchies strike. You rush (or slowly stumble) to you kitchen only to find an odd assortment of foods that have no business being combined. You weigh your options, but dollar pizza involves walking and you’ve gone over your budget, so UberEats is out. With a sigh, you assemble some odd, absurd, behemoth Franken-munchie creation to satisfy your growling stomach. While 4/20 may have come and gone, the munchies never do. So if you’ve found yourself broke, starving, and already back in your normal smoke routine, don’t worry.
This April 20, I compiled a list of some of the oddest, most unexpected, but unbelievably real dope munchie combinations that I have heard of over the years, and tested them out. I hope this list provides you with an unexpectedly tasty snack, or at least gives you some comfort as you stare down at your Ben-and-Jerry’s-peanut butter-cheetos-stuffed bagel sandwich, that you are not the only victim of desperately inventive snacking.
1) Fries on Pizza (Caramel Sauce to Top)
If this doesn’t scream “late night stoned snacking in the dining hall,” I don’t know what does. Picturing that dining hall level cheese pizza with end of the day fries on top, I suppose it’s only natural my friend felt the need for some caramel sauce to take the edge off. I guess. Honestly, I’m just trying to find a leg for him to stand on here. Salty and sweet is one thing, but this kinda seems like if a 5-year old got to pack their own lunch.
2) Red Wine and Ramen
I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. If all she did was make ramen, and enjoy a glass of red wine, I would not question it, but that’s not what happened. This particular girl decided to, in fact, cook her noodles in red wine, both wasting lots of wine, and probably making some really weird tasking noodles. Then again, with both ramen and red wine being staples of the average college diet, it does make some amount of sense to put them together, and, as with all of these, you can never judge the munchies. (By the way, if you want some legit ramen upgrades that won’t taste like alcoholism check these out)
3) Nutella on (Unheated) Leftover Vegetarian Chicken Parmesan
Continuing to push the limits of judge-able munchies, we have this monstrosity, the brainchild of a vegetarian friend of mine who has a sweet tooth being too high to figure out how her microwave works. To me, this seems like the epitome of stoned snack indecision. Salty? Sweet? Why not both? To quote the chef herself: “I realized I was adding Nutella, not sauce halfway through, and I just wasn’t mad at it.” Whether or not you approve of the final product, you have to applaud that sort of can-do snacking attitude.
4) Honeycomb Cereal in (Diet) Dr. Pepper
Running out of milk is awful. Running out of milk when you’ve already got your cereal poured is even worse. Running of milk for your cereal when you’re too stoned to find the front door though? Now that’s a crisis. It is in such a crises that we find the origins of this carbonated sin. In full honesty, this one made me so curious I tried it, and despite the odd feeling of bubbly cereal, and the overall sweetness overdose obliterating my sense of taste for several hours, I can vouch for this one. Yet again, culinary science leaps forward due to one stoner’s inability to locate the “outside.”
5) Oreos Dipped In Mayo
This is it guys. We found the line of stoned creativity, science has gone too far this time. How any person gifted with functional taste buds can look at a jar of mayo and a package of Oreos, and think that they would ever belong together is beyond my understanding. To be honest, I see zero redeeming qualities in this affront to chefs everywhere, so I won’t even try to look on the slimy bright side here. As a defense, I will tell you what the creator of this abomination told me, “Don’t judge man, you don’t know the day I had.”
The munchies are one of those inevitabilities of getting high, like losing your phone, your stress, or finding Spongebob way more interesting than you remember. As you carry 4/20 on into the rest of the year, think ahead and order that Taco Bell binge before you lose the ability to tie your shoes. If you do find yourself scrounging the depths of your kitchen and mind for a weed-induced culinary epiphany, I wish you all the best of luck. Remember, Dr. Pepper is a totally acceptable substitute for milk, and above all else, reassure yourself that no matter how bad your munchies are, at least you’re not dipping Oreos in mayonnaise.