During a usual Netflix binge-watching session of “Portlandia,” I started to wonder about the characters. What would the characters be if they were a food? I know, this is a very important question that caused a lot of sleepless nights for me. No worries, I decided to use my creativity, knowledge of food and total obsession with this show to answer this question.
“Portlandia” is comprised of actors Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein that play different, quirky character is various sketches. If these “Portlandia” characters were foods, what paired staples would they be? Keep on reading.
Fred and Carrie
Let’s start with Fred and Carrie. This duo are more-or-less Armisen and Brownstein playing themselves. They are loyal buds with pretty normal characteristics compared to other roles played on the show. If “Portlandia” characters were foods, these two would be the always-there-for-you PB&J sandwich.
Peter and Nance
Next up: Peter and Nance. This married couple is open to adventure, but they are no good at it. The always-nervous, stuttering Peter is usually brought back down by Nance, who seems to be his source of reason. Because they’re not very good at going big, they remind me of burgers and fries.
Why burgers and fries? Well, there’s a lot of potential with this American staple: guacamole burger, some spicy seasoning on your fries, etc.. And yet, the classic pair always seems to work together best when kept simple.
Dave and Kath
Unlike Peter and Nance, Dave and Kath do adventure and do it right. This marriage revolves around doing everything to the max, like having every possible piece of gear to go hiking. This screams chicken and waffles. Want a doing-the-most pairing that you never know if you should have for breakfast, lunch or dinner, but could eat for all three? This is it.
Lance and Nina
If Lance and Nina were foods, they’d emulate a typical stereotyped male-female dynamic. I’m thinking wine and steak. This means preserving Lance’s fragile masculinity with some kind of meaty rib eye, while high-maintenance Nina gets to be the girl’s night staple.
Candace and Toni
Candace and Toni are a pair of friends who also run a poorly-operated feminist bookstore. Classic feminist hippies, they know what they believe and aren’t afraid to be boarder-line hostile in telling their customers exactly what that is. A traditional peaches and cream nails them to a tee. It’s a food pair no one wants to come across because it reminds them of their grandma, but means well in its sweet mission.
Spyke and Iris
If “Portlandia” characters were foods, the hipster couple Spyke and Iris would be hummus and pita. They’re the perfect healthy hipster snack. Not to mention, pita and hummus can only be taken in small doses.
Bryce and Lisa
Bryce and Lisa are salesmen who have elaborate sales tactics, like selling everyday items by putting bird cutouts on them. This creative team is bacon and chocolate: Something you never would expect to go together, but it proves is the perfect marriage.
Royce and Alicia
Lastly, if “Portlandia” characters were foods, Royce and Alicia would be milk and cookies. These coworkers of the Portland Milk Advisory Board don’t seem to like each other, as Alicia is always keeping her demeaning, incompetent boss in check. She’s the headstrong milk that grounds his creative chocolate-chip ideas.
So there you have it. Who knew this was the analysis you never needed? If “Portlandia” characters were food pairings, they’d be darn good ones. If you’ve seen the show, go read more about “Portlandia” and food or try this inspired recipe. If you haven’t seen the show, why are you reading this? Go binge please.