What is swamp ass? You might know it as butt sweat, and so did I until I met all of my friends from Dirty Jerz. Since starting school in beautiful, but hot and humid Miami, I’ve seen an uncountable number of swamp ass cases while walking to and from class.
It’s not that this disgusts me, it’s more that I just want to help them. Everyone gets butt sweat, so don’t even pretend like this article doesn’t apply to you…especially with hot summer days quickly approaching.
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1. Avoid leather seats
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If your only option is sitting on a leather chair, you’re probably better off standing up. Leather traps heat and the probability of you having sweat on your butt when you stand up is high.
2. Wear linen
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Linen is a super light material that will allow your booty to breathe. You’ll not only look cooler, you’ll also really be cooler (as in temperature). Linen also dries faster than cotton, so if your butt does sweat, at least it will dry faster.
3. Wear baggy clothes
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The baggier the better. Sweat can’t show through your clothes if your body isn’t touching them. Girls, I recommend loose skirts or dresses whenever possible.
4. Wear sports underwear
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Follow the baggier the better rule only when it comes to pants. For underwear, the motto is the tighter the better. Your best option is athletic underwear, because it is made absorb the swamp.
5. Wear dark clothes
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Even though most people like to wear light colors during summer, this might not always be the best option. Black bottoms or dark colored jeans usually hide the sweat so you won’t have to worry about sweat stains.
6. Drink less coffee
Photo by Gabby Phi
Food and drinks containing caffeine have been linked to causing excessive amounts of sweating in people who tend to sweat more, so try cutting down on the coffee this summer.
7. Moisturize
Photo by Julia Kohl
If you can’t stop the sweat, you might as well make it smell good. If you don’t already, moisturize so that if you start sweating it will smell like the scented lotion instead of something else.
8. Carry a spare pair of underwear
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Sometimes it is too hot to even avoid the sweat, so your best option might be to change. If you forget your spare pair at home and just so happen to have some baby powder with you, try putting it in your underwear to absorb the excess sweat your body might produce through out the hot day.
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Although I hope that these steps to avoiding swamp ass work for you, don’t be embarrassed if you still get it. Everyone sweats and you can’t always control it. Besides, if someone says something to you about your swamp ass, chances are you will be able to hit them with a pit stain comeback.