As eggnog, carols, and sleigh rides approach their merry critical mass, Spoon’s sending you the ultimate list of places to not take your date out (literally) for dinner, just in time for the snow. Nothing says romantic like a candlelit meal under the stars, except if it’s located at one of the following spots. Unless wind chill, strange smells, and intoxicated strangers are your ideal ambience, stay off your date’s naughty list by ordering in cozy delivery and giving these deal breaker destinations time off longer than J term.
Upham Arch
Photo by Ryan Terhune
Show your date that they’re committing to far more than a night uptown with this timeless campus landmark. It may be the first date, but know that with a power move like this you’ll be receiving Valentine’s day cards from Miami in no time. At the stroke of midnight, produce the champagne and the promise ring you slyly stashed in a nearby trashcan like the suave hopeless romantic you are. Tinder may have matched you only 2 hours ago, but now you’ll be together forever.
The Dumpster Behind Skyline
Photo by Ryan Terhune
Inside Skyline may seem like an promising spot, but indoor rendezvous are for squares and the pavement is calling. Taking your date down a dark alley may sound straight from a horror film, but this high class destination won’t disappoint. Amidst cigarette butts and flattened boxes is one of the most underrated nooks in Oxford, certified to make any date swoon. You’re a mess by day, but tonight you’re trashcan Casanova.
The Bathrooms at Brick
Photo by Ryan Terhune
Speaking of trashcans, the facilities at this fine establishment are prime romantic real-estate. Amidst battered stalls and underage attendees scrubbing sharpie from their hands, you’ll find a truly unique experience. Your picnic blanket may be sticking to the floor and disturbing sounds emanate from the toilet next door, but with the cue extending around the corner how can this not be a fashionable spot? It’s not even outdoors, but heading to the stalls still counts as answering the call of nature.
Slant Walk
Photo by Ryan Terhune
This locale achieves maximum charm between the hours of 3-4 am so plan accordingly. The best tactic is to spread yourselves directly across the walkway so pedestrians know a date is occurring. The peoplewatching will be prime, and your date will be undoubtedly impressed by the uninterrupted serenity of the night. On a related note, there’s a certain irony to the fact that most people strolling slant at this hour are incapable of walking in a straight line…
Woodside Cemetery
Photo by Ryan Terhune
You may have yet to recover from the escapades of Halloween 2015, but you can’t go wrong holding a first date on this hallowed ground. Nothing says “till’ death do us part” like taking your date to a graveyard, and if Michael Jackson can do it in “Thriller” you can certainly follow suit in Oxford. Hopefully bae will be so impressed by the uniqueness of your date destination they’ll overlook your psychopathic tendencies… Hopefully…