It’s time. Time to take on the monstrous task, an unworldly foe, time to take on…the Mountain.
Photo from aliceinwesteros.com
Of course, this may be worse than the Game of Thrones character because this is not one enemy, but four. The Manly Stanley is four 1/3 lbs patties with Swiss, cheddar, onion rings, fried pickles, eggs, tomato, lettuce, and a cavalry of fries. This $30 burger weighs 3.5 pounds, total. I faced this foe in trial by combat, on the battleground known as 23rd St. Brewery in Lawrence, KS.
So like in any good fight, I have a plan.
Step 1: Pray
Photo by assistant, Kenzie G. (I could have used a bigger plate)
It’s always good to pray, you never know if it’ll be your last meal.
The first thing you’ll want to do after the prayer is to take down those fries. Do this as fast as you can, because the fries will just get cold, and soggy and slow you down later. Mix them with bites of your burger, but just make sure they’re the first thing to go.
Step 2: Dismantlement
Photo by assistant, Kenzie G.
Dismantle the burger – divide and conquer.
Step 3: Begin
Photo by assistant, Kenzie G. (I look so excited)
Get pumped, because this is going to be long and tiring. I know that eating burgers with a fork is blasphemous, but in this case, it is absolutely necessary. Let’s get started.
I started off strong, taking big slashes to the mountains’ middle, clawing my way through the horde of toppings.
Photo by assistant, Kenzie G.
You have to stay focused as the mountain fires it’s eggs and assorted fried pickles and bacon. Gotta keep your mind on the goal.
Photo by assistant, Kenzie G.
I got the helmet (bun) off the giant and crushed it with ease. The battle is half over, but there was still what seemed like miles between me and victory.
Photo by assistant, Kenzie G.
My endurance and faith wavered, because the onslaught never seems to end. I thought about giving up hope, and letting the mountain crush me under its weight. However, I rallied myself up and charged on.
Photo by assistant, Kenzie G.
In a blink of an eye, it’s over. I have slain the unslayable, climbed the deadliest peak, and destroyed the mountain. As the battle ended, I had only one thought on my mind.
Photo by assistant, Kenzie G.
And that’s just how good this dessert was going to taste. That’s right, I did it, I deserve something after what I just went through. It was hard and arduous, but I somehow prevailed.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go over here and die of a heart attack, thank you very much.
Top tip
One of the most important things to keep in mind is your jaw’s going to get tired. It’s going to be hard to chew eventually; hence the ice cream dessert. It’s not just the size, but the monotony that’ll get to you. Eating the same thing bite after bite gets really tiring, believe it or not (I feel bad for my dog now). It’s a mind game, and ya gotta win that to win the reward.
Recap
The burger was indeed a good burger, they cooked just how I like it, a nice medium-rare. Would I do it again? Well…this is my 2nd time doing this, and honestly? I think I’m good. There are other great choices in the Brewery besides the burger, but I do encourage everyone to try it at least once. It’s a fun thing to do, and a nice experience to try. I would suggest getting a bottle of ketchup or hot sauce though, because that’ll save your butt when you get tired of eating the same thing over and over again. One food challenge down, who knows what’s next.
Photo from www.theworkprint.com